


Thunderous Dissonance

by seizethejongdae



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Music, Explicit Language, M/M, Piano, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-09
Updated: 2016-09-09
Packaged: 2018-08-14 02:30:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7995385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seizethejongdae/pseuds/seizethejongdae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sehun quickly realized it’d be hard to learn anything during his piano lessons his mother forcibly signed him up for because he would be too busy affectionately staring at his piano teacher who truly had a smile that could chase all storms away and laughter that put dazzling rainbows to shame.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thunderous Dissonance

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for the 2015 Round 3 of Chenpionships

  
“I don’t know," Sehun mumbled, turning away from his mother’s endless questions and demands.   
  
“What do you mean you don’t know,” Sehun’s mother exasperatedly said, taking her eyes off of the road for a mere moment to shoot Sehun an annoyed look, “It’s a simple question. Yes, or no? Are you going to take this seriously?”  
  
“I don’t know,” Sehun sighed, sliding a finger under his seatbelt to pull it back and forth in his boredom.   
  
And he meant it.   
  
His mother was currently driving him to his first piano lesson with some Mr. Kim that she signed him up for, but it was not the first time she forced Sehun to learn new things without his permission.   
  
“Son, you need to keep in shape,” she had clucked her tongue as she drove him to his first football practice, passing him his new cleats before he nervously walked out onto the pitch alone.   
  
“Son, you need to be a cultured man,” she had said when she walked him to his first art lesson as he clutched a new paint and paintbrush set that didn’t feel quite right in his hands.   
  
“Son, you need to be more classy,” she said more recently, telling Sehun she wanted him to start learning how to use their neglected grand piano that she still had dusted every other week.   
  
And so here he was trapped in the front seat of his mother’s Mercedes-Benz as they sped off to some music studio nearby. Earlier in the drive, his mother had handed him his new music bag and some books his teacher had instructed her to buy before the first lesson, and so now he sat with this new bag resting against his feet, jostling it around as he tapped a foot to the rhythm of the music that softly crackled out of the speakers.   
  
“Stop moving around and answer me, Sehun,” his mother said, cranking down the music with a sharp turn of the volume dial before she switched on the windshield wipers as rain began to fall outside.   
  
“Mom, it’s not like I ever stick to anything you sign me up for,” Sehun finally answered as he stared out at the increasingly rain-streaked window, remembering all those times his mother pulled him, muddy jersey and all, out of football after he had finished playing a game and pulled him, paint-splattered hands and all, out of art class after he was just about to finish an acrylic painting of a magnificent ship caught in a blustery storm at sea.   
  
Time after time after time, Sehun’s mother had pushed him into doing whatever she wanted him to learn, and time after time after time, she had pulled him out after she was unsatisfied with his lack of effort or success that didn’t quite meet her high standards.   
  
But, as his mother slammed on the breaks to yield to the oncoming red light, Sehun glumly pondered if his mother ever once thought to ask him if he really wanted to do all these things. Sure, he liked the occasional moments in all those activities like that time he celebrated a win with his football team, singing as they jumped up and down in the grass, or like that time he finally finished a painting of a terrifying thunder god he had worked so hard on. He didn’t necessarily want to do everything his mother signed him up for, but that didn’t mean he completely hated it all the time…  
  
Honestly though, even Sehun himself didn’t even know what he wanted. He didn’t have a chance to see if he wanted to play football or if he wanted to paint more since his mother made him quit so early. But he supposed he was fond of dancing casually…in the streets while walking home and feeling the overwhelming beat in his body…in the club as he shut his eyes and danced the night away alone with the thumping of the synthesizers and heavy bass echoing in his racing heart…in his room with the music loud enough to drown out the lonely silence that filled his house. Anywhere. Everywhere.  
  
But piano? Maybe he had the long slim fingers for it like his mother insisted, but he just didn’t _know_. He thought of all those stuffy composers in their powdered white wigs and their tragic early deaths and felt he would be so…bored…trying to learn such old music. Maybe he wouldn’t even survive the first lesson without falling asleep. Maybe he would. But perhaps what he worried most about was how he might potentially embarrass himself on his first lesson because he had never studied or explored music before aside from just blasting music to dance to his heart’s content. He’d just hope that his teacher…whoever this Mr. Kim was…would be patient with him at least.   
  
So regardless of whether or not he wanted this or not, here he was moments later as his mother excitedly parked the car into a driveway…in a residential area? This was where the music studio was? Someone’s _house_?  
  
“Hurry up a bit, Sehun. We have to be a little early for your lesson today so I can speak to your teacher first without cutting into your lesson,” his mother said, opening the car door and stepping out delicately, her heels crunching on the gravelly pavement.   
  
Sehun trudged after his mother, slipping his hands into his pockets and attempting to stand back her until she pulled him beside her and knocked with the giant wooden music note that hung on the front door.   
  
And when the door opened, Sehun swore that if _that_ was his teacher, he’d pull himself out right now instead of waiting however long for his mother to do it.   
  
“Hello. You must be Mrs. Oh? And Sehun?” the man greeted, grinning a little too threateningly for Sehun’s liking as he stood towering above them. Sehun didn’t quite feel comfortable with the man looking so intimidatingly at him, and shuffled backwards just a bit. Just a bit…His mother dragged him here in the first place anyways…She could deal with him.   
  
“Yes. Are you Mr. Kim?” his mother sniffed, unaffected by the man’s intimidating stance.   
  
“Yeah,” he nodded.   
  
Fuck. That was his teacher? He’s had mean football coaches, strict art teachers, and now…a scary piano teacher. Sehun was an adult…a _college student_ …and here he was just a bit afraid of a person who taught some little prodigious kids for a living. Just a bit.   
  
Sehun forced a smile back when his mother elbowed him to be polite, internally screaming that there was no way he could comfortably learn with someone who looked like he could easily rip Sehun’s head off with a finger.   
  
“Ah…Sehun? Your mother and I talked on the phone!” a voice echoed from inside the house, and at the sound of a different voice…a kinder sounding voice…Sehun perked up and craned his neck to catch a glimpse of its owner.   
  
“Hello! It’s nice to meet you,” a shorter man excitedly said as he pushed the door open further, pushed Mr. Kim out of the way, and unbeknownst to Sehun at the moment, would later push his way into Sehun’s heart.   
  
And Sehun was just speechless.   
  
Completely speechless.   
  
He didn’t know what he wanted to say even if he _could_ say anything, really, because the man that had just appeared was just so _beautiful_ with his messy brown hair, his easygoing smile, and his friendly gaze. He seemed to radiate such warm kindness and vivacious joy, and Sehun already felt himself relax considerably around his presence.   
  
“Hello…Who are you?” His mother asked.   
  
“Mr. Kim! But you can call me Jongdae,” the man smiled, reaching out a hand to Sehun.   
  
Jongdae.   
  
Jongdae.  
  
 _Jongdae_ …  
  
The name ran through his head continuously like a calming mantra, and Sehun couldn’t help but slip out of his bored frown and into a small smile when he shook Jongdae’s hand. His fingers warmed up Sehun’s own hands, cold from the stormy weather outside, and Sehun immediately found himself missing the weight of Jongdae’s hand in his as soon as he gently pulled his hand away after their handshake was over.   
  
“Oh…then are you brothers?” His mother said, pointing at Mr. Kim and then at Jongdae.   
  
Jongdae nodded before introducing Sehun and his mother to his older brother Jongdeok who apparently taught cello in the studio as well.   
  
“I was just messing with you, kid. Stop looking so tense and have a good lesson,” Jongdeok laughed, ruffling Sehun’s hair before disappearing back into the house. But if Jongdeok taught cello, then surely…surely that would mean Jongdae was his teacher? Sehun dared to hope that he was…as maybe he could make music and old composers seem just a bit more interesting to him.   
  
“Come in! Your mother can wait in the living room while your lesson begins!” Jongdae said, showing them inside the studio. Sehun thanked everything from the scorched sun to the sparkling stars that Jongdae was his teacher as he stepped inside Jongdae and Jongdeok’s joint studio, observing the little wooden music notes and various pictures of most likely their students posing with them that hung on the wall. Sehun didn’t know exactly how he would feel if so many people walked in and out of his own house every day for music lessons just like they did here, but certainly he was sure that it would seem more lively and comfortable than his own silent, vastly empty home.   
  
“Be good,” his mother warned before taking a seat in a stormy gray armchair and pulling out her work to do.   
  
But as it turned out, music had started out boring anyways despite Jongdae’s obvious passion for it, and it didn’t matter how loudly and excitedly Jongdae spoke about music or how attractive he looked while explaining the basic notes and rhythm because Sehun had already glanced at the clock in the corner of the piano room at least…five times already. And even though he liked staring at Jongdae’s perpetually curved lips and his cute, upwardly tilted eyebrows, Sehun found his gaze wandering to the disorderly neat bookshelves with music books and manuscripts spilling out of the shelves. But somehow, his attention always managed to refocus on Jongdae…   
  
Jongdae really loved music, Sehun quickly realized. And he admired the way Jongdae would break out into a huge, ecstatic grin and how his hands would wildly wave back and forth when he sought to explain new concepts like perfect pitch, which he personally apparently had, to Sehun. After a while of simply staring and appearing to look interested, Sehun was startled after Jongdae implicated it was Sehun’s turn to do something.   
  
“Now you try!” Jongdae eagerly said, gesturing for Sehun to…fuck…what was he supposed to do again?  
  
“What?” Sehun asked, finally snapping out of his thoughts and admiration of Jongdae.   
  
“Oh, come on…You’ve got this!” Jongdae said, impatiently lifting Sehun’s hands and placing them on the piano keys before Sehun could utter another word, “Try it yourself! For the very first time, just press a few keys or something…See how the music is made out of the piano!”  
  
Okay…that didn’t sound so hard…Sehun took a deep breath before pressing a few random keys, wincing as a discordant sound rang throughout the room.   
  
“Sorry…that sounded wrong,” Sehun frowned.   
  
“No, no don’t apologize! There can be no wrong notes when you’re just playing around and improvising!” Jongdae reassured him.   
  
“But it sounded wrong,” Sehun said, taking his hands away from the keyboard before he could play another odd chord or interval.   
  
“Dissonance isn’t wrong,” Jongdae shook his head, “Yeah a few combinations of notes can sound a bit jarring, but it doesn’t mean it has to be immediately wrong. Dissonance is just the right amount of acceptable wildness in music.”  
  
“So like…a combination of chaos and order?” Sehun offered, hoping he was understanding a bit of what Jongdae was trying to teach.   
  
“Exactly! But when it’s just two notes, then it’s harder to tell which one is the note that created the dissonant interval. Maybe it’s two wild notes. Maybe it’s one consonant note and one not. Maybe it’s just how it’s meant to be…like a balance between wildness and technicality,” Jongdae continued to ramble on, eagerly explaining more music theory in the simplest of ways for Sehun to keep up with.   
  
“Okay…then what type of notes sound…non-dissonant together then?” Sehun asked, attempting to try and learn something for the very first time in his whole lesson. Jongdae’s enthusiastic love for music was so infectious that Sehun felt himself leaning in closer to Jongdae, listening intently to whatever he had to say.   
  
“Here…Play _these_ notes,” Jongdae said, lifting Sehun’s right hand onto the keyboard again once more before spreading them apart appropriately, “…and press your thumb, third, and fifth finger down.”  
  
Sehun obeyed Jongdae and did so, excitedly letting out a delighted laugh once the chord echoed across the room. It was such a pretty _sound_ …and to think all Sehun had done was press only three keys…  
  
“Isn’t it wonderful?” Jongdae smiled, “You just played a C Major chord.”  
  
C Major? C Major…Sehun had no idea just yet what that meant, but if this was C Major, then C Major was pretty. C Major sounded cute…like innocent children running through sweet spring meadows, giggling as they picked flowers and chased each other until the sun set. C Major was Jongdae’s laughter he let out when he was excitedly enjoying the music he or his students or anyone at all would make…so wonderful…so delightful.   
  
“I’ll teach you a C Major scale next time, alright?” Jongdae said as he peered at the clock, realizing they had gone overtime for about five minutes.   
  
“Okay,” Sehun smiled, and maybe he would like piano after all.   
  
Or maybe not.   
  
Without Jongdae to sit there and motivate him, Sehun was completely bored once again, rolling his pencil over his opened, untouched music theory work book Jongdae made him work on.   
  
This was just too _technical_ …Where were those beautiful chords and scales? He really wanted to _hear_ the music…not practice writing clefs after rests after clefs. Jongdae had said people like himself with perfect pitch could easily hear the music instantly when they read the music notes in their head…or that they knew exactly which notes were being played in music.   
  
And Sehun was so envious of that. It sounded like so much less work…to be able to hear something and write down the notes instantly instead of struggling to wonder if everything done was right or wrong. But Jongdae said he’d help train his ear a bit so he’d get better at recognizing notes.   
  
But this music theory, though…  
  
Sehun didn’t want to do this at all, and so here he was a week later rushing through the pages Jongdae assigned in the car as his mother drove him to his weekly lesson, scolding him for leaving it until the last minute again. He found this boring, yes…but he still wanted to impress Jongdae or at least make him pleased, so he even tried his best to remember the order of sharps and flats diligently so he could copy them multiple times neatly for Jongdae.   
  
“Fantastic Cats Go Down Alleys Eating Bread!” Jongdae had cutely chanted when he had introduced the order of sharps, FCGDAEB, to Sehun.   
  
More like… _Fuck_ Can God Deliver An Ethereal Being…like Jongdae…Sehun had used instead to remember.   
  
“BEAD Good Candy Fruit! You can just compress the first four flats into bead and pronounce it just like that!” Jongdae nodded, motioning for Sehun to say the order of flats, BEADGCF, with him.   
  
“But Every Ass Deserves Good Cock, Fuck!” Sehun internally made up while he spoke the true acronym with Jongdae, his smile hiding the not so innocent words his mind thought.   
  
Theory was one thing, and a very boring thing to Sehun at that, but they had been learning scales and chord progressions for _weeks_. Sehun wanted to burn his Hanon finger exercise book in the fireplace after continuously playing the same boring patterns over and over and over again.   
  
“We’ve been doing this for too many lessons, Jongdae…Can’t we talk about something else?” Sehun whined after finishing the same Hanon exercise with staccatos instead of legatos this time.   
  
“But Sehun…all these scales and finger exercises are so important for building up strong fingers and arms, you know. When you can start to play more difficult pieces it won’t be as hard if you have the proper technique and fundamentals that you’re supposed to learn now,” Jongdae shook his head, gently chiding him for his impatience.   
  
“Come on…We’ve been doing this for _ever_ ,” Sehun pouted, taking his hands away from the keys to turn and look at Jongdae pleadingly.   
  
“…Fine, fine. We can do something else now if you promise to practice more at home,” Jongdae relented, giving in to Sehun’s pouted lip and pleading eyes.   
  
“Of course,” Sehun nodded, promising to at least _try_ to practice just a bit more…just a bit more for Jongdae.   
  
“Alright then…What do you want to talk about? Haydn? Gershwin? Ohh I have this fun story about Liszt you should –“ Jongdae began to say before Sehun interrupted him.   
  
“You,” Sehun honestly said, and he meant it. He would rather learn more about Jongdae the person away from music lessons rather than Jongdae the piano teacher or even Jongdae the musician. But as Jongdae asked him why he wanted to learn more about him, Sehun realized he still could not learn about Jongdae without learning about music because music was entwined into Jongdae’s whole self.   
  
Sehun listened carefully as Jongdae told him his mother, like Sehun’s, signed him up for piano lessons when he was three years old, a year younger than Jongdeok had been when he started learning cello, which was something he’d never let Jongdeok forget. Jongdae’s whole childhood was spent rushing to and from piano lessons, music competitions, orchestra and choir practice, and Sehun did not envy that a single bit. Jongdae even admitted he almost lost his passion for music after so many things to submit, competitions to win, and music tests to take. Almost.  
  
It seemed that while Jongdae had grown sick of the structure and order of such tight schedules, he was still so overwhelmingly in love with music, so despite his mother’s protests, he had simply traded formal, classical recitals for the loud, screaming scene of underground concerts. He’d been the main vocalist in some rock band in high school and college, and when Sehun tried to imagine Jongdae in all the edgy, tight-fitting punk outfits Jongdae used to wear, he felt himself turn absolutely _red_.   
  
“Sehun…are you okay?” Jongdae asked, looking concernedly at Sehun as he briefly paused his anecdote of how his mother was ready to almost disown him a few years ago after he announced he would skip graduate school and open his own musical studio with Jongdeok.   
  
“What? Oh…yeah, yeah. Don’t worry, Jongdae. I’m fine. It’s just a bit hot in here,” Sehun said, cursing how easily his blush showed on his face.   
  
“Sehun…it’s raining outside,” Jongdae laughed, pointing at the stormy clouds outside, the slightly open window allowing the sound of falling raindrops to reverberate inside.   
  
Oh.   
  
Damn…Sehun would have to work on his excuses better.   
  
“Can you sing me a song?” Sehun shyly asked, attempting to redirect the attention away from him and onto Jongdae.   
  
“Sure,” Jongdae happily agreed, and Sehun moved to sit on the very edge of his piano bench, propping his elbows up and resting his head in his hands as he prepared to listen and give Jongdae his full attention. Before singing, Jongdae explained that the song would transpose from A Major to B Flat Major so Sehun should pay attention to that since this was supposed to be a music lesson after all.   
  
If C Major was blissful contentment like pretty spring days spent gazing at clouds and lying in grass, then in this song with this tempo, Jongdae taught Sehun that A Major was nostalgia…like sweet smiles shown when people weren’t looking…like sleepy mornings spent tangled in bed sheets laying around with drowsy smiles as the sun peeked in through wispy curtains. A Major was what Sehun felt when he fondly gazed at Jongdae when he passionately taught Sehun music.   
  
And when Jongdae hit a series of high notes that climbed higher and higher and higher until Sehun supposed they were in B Flat Major, Sehun was so completely overcome with ecstatic emotions…feeling the urge to leap up in excitement and scream. This song and Jongdae’s singing made him just _feel_. He didn’t pay attention to what potential chords could have helped make the transposition seem seamless. He just…let everything _go_ and just felt all these emotions, grinning a wide, wild grin.   
  
In this song, this was B Flat Major. B Flat Major, as Jongdae sang to Sehun, was excitement…like brilliant smiles shown when people were looking and loving each other…like beautifully ecstatic nights spent running through the rain with clasped hands and shrill laughter that made even the darkest nights seem so bright. B Flat Major was what Sehun felt now when Jongdae sang and bared his heart out to Sehun, unleashing a turbulent hurricane of emotions Sehun didn’t know how to express.   
  
Everything was just so _beautiful_ …from the way Jongdae’s voice wonderfully echoed throughout the room as he sung so fervently for Sehun. Listening to Jongdae sing scales with him while he played them on the piano was already spectacular enough, but listening to him here like this….with his heart open and his soul exposed for the world to see overwhelmed Sehun so incredibly much. Jongdae’s voice touched Sehun’s heart, his passion moved his spirit, and if he allowed all those tears he felt building up to be shed, there’d be no need for the rain outside anymore.   
  
And when Jongdae finished humming the ending outro of the song, Sehun clapped so enthusiastically, startling Jongdae a bit as he was brought out of the daze he was previously in when he performed for Sehun.   
  
“Did you catch the transposition? We can go over the chords that made the transposition possible so you understand how—,” Jongdae began to ask.   
  
“How could I pay attention to anything except your singing? That was so beautiful, Jongdae…Wow,” Sehun excitedly complimented Jongdae, still feeling the urge to _scream_ …or something…in order to release all those emotions Jongdae had caused him to feel.   
  
Jongdae was a beautiful singer. A beautiful musician with a wild heart that thundered to life when he sang and played music, and he had made Sehun feel such uncontrollable, ecstatic emotions only dancing had made him feel before. And he wanted to feel those emotions again and again and again. Was this the joy that music brought and could bring? Was this what Jongdae loved so much about music? That it made people feel?  
  
Sehun wanted this. He wanted this incredible whirlwind of emotions crackling through his heart. And maybe just then, he would try harder at piano too…so that one day he could play a song that made him feel what Jongdae’s singing made him feel.   
  
“Maybe one day we can have a duet…You can play piano, and I can sing,” Jongdae suggested, smiling as he opened the door for Sehun as he walked out, the lesson finishing once again five minutes late. Not that any of them minded.   
  
Sehun thought of this future possibility…thought of the way his music could combine with Jongdae’s voice, thought of the way he’d have to force himself to focus on his playing so he wouldn’t stare so long at Jongdae that he’d mess up, thought of the way they’d get to experience such thunderous emotions that’d strike their hearts together all at once, and smiled.   
  
And for those things, Sehun might just have the proper motivation to want to learn piano.   
  
But wanting something was harder than making it happen.   
  
It was easier to hope he’d be good enough to play with Jongdae one day or that he’d be good enough to convey emotions to other people and himself while he played.   
  
Sehun was still a beginner, a struggling beginner at that, and while Jongdae was amazed he had learned scales and much more so quickly, he was just a bit too…awful at learning proper songs. The notes swam on the page like a deluge of black raindrops and puddles as Sehun sat on his piano bench at home late one night trying to read all of them quickly enough to play the song smoothly at a somewhat decent tempo…  
  
When Jongdae showed him how to play something, he could learn it rather quickly, but here…alone…when he had to sit down and read all those notes one by one by one and remember to apply the necessary flats and sharps if necessary, Sehun just…didn’t know what to do.   
  
Was this note a G?  
  
Was this symbol a rest or a smudge on the page?  
  
Were these two consecutive flats a typo or…did something like that really exist?  
  
And so Sehun slowly gave up, eventually placing his crossed arms on the piano and resting his head on them.   
  
Why was he doing this? Music could be so wonderful sometimes, but it was just so _hard_ , and he hated this feeling….this feeling of struggling to comprehend something that came so easily to others, this feeling of inadequacy when Jongdae would patiently re-explain concepts to Sehun when he didn’t understand them the first five times, this feeling of not understanding what he wanted.   
  
And he wished his mother didn’t have to force him to do so many things that he originally didn’t even want…Like football and painting. Like piano.   
  
But a bit of Jongdae had branded onto Sehun’s heart, and he…really did begin to feel a certain fondness for music and piano. He found it fascinating when Jongdae described the way it all worked and broke down pieces for him to see how all those technicalities together made such beautiful songs.   
  
Maybe he was just frustrated then…because Jongdae and the students Sehun listened to as he waited around for their lessons to end and his to begin were just so _good_. Jongdae had so many younger students…some practically babies even…who were such prodigies and young musical geniuses. And here was Sehun a college student fumbling over easy chords and taking forever to read the notes.   
  
Maybe he just wanted to know what it felt like to be actually good at something. His mother pulled him out of everything she signed him up for before he could explore and see if he not only liked doing those things, but also to figure out if he was actually good at them.   
  
And sitting here, alone with nothing but the neglected piano for company, Sehun gave up. It was no use. He’d just ask Jongdae for help later…He’d surely understand, right? Jongdae would be patient…hopefully…  
  
So Sehun left the piano behind, promising to try again sometime later as he retreated to his room before closing his door and putting on music that was just loud enough to drown out everything else but soft enough to not bother his mother…not that she particularly minded anyways. As the beginning beats boomed through the speakers, Sehun began to give himself to the music. He let his body manifest what he felt, jumping around his room, twisting and turning his arms and his legs until he slumped to the floor, too tired for anymore dancing.   
  
He relished that feeling of losing himself while dancing to music…This was probably what Jongdae felt when he sang or played the piano or hummed quietly to himself when he thought no one paid attention. And if so, then Sehun wanted to figure out how he could feel that on piano, too.   
  
And he was lucky he had a passionate teacher like Jongdae to show him how this was possible. It didn’t hurt either that Jongdae was so stunning himself, too…though Sehun supposed the only downside was that sometimes he ignored Jongdae’s teaching in order to stare fondly at Jongdae’s soft lips or his arms that threatened to burst their way out of his well-fitting button-up shirts.   
  
Jongdae was simply just a beautiful person that had sung his way into Sehun’s heart, and Sehun began to think of his smiles and laughter more and more often. Truly, Jongdae had a smile that could chase all storms away and laughter that put dazzling, spectacular rainbows to shame.   
  


ϟ

  
But, as Sehun soon realized, Jongdae could be frightening too, especially when he told his mother with a calm smile on his face how…awful Sehun was one lesson.   
  
Usually Jongdae would compliment Sehun on all the things he did beautifully after Sehun finished playing a musical passage before he’d begin to discuss what Sehun could do to improve his performance and technique. But now…after his mother asked for Jongdae’s honest opinion of Sehun’s progress after one lesson, Jongdae had skipped straight to listing all of Sehun’s shortcomings as a struggling, beginner pianist.  
  
“He has his heart in the right place, but it doesn’t seem like…he practices,” Jongdae admitted, not looking at Sehun at all as he reported Sehun’s…subpar progress to his mother. The way Jongdae’s curved lips were curved downwards in a disappointed frown pulled the corners of Sehun’s own lips downwards. He hated seeing Jongdae disappointed…all because of him.   
  
“So, not at all. I see,” his mother nodded. It was her fault for asking how he was doing in class, and now Sehun knew he would hear nothing but an endless tempest of lectures and scolds from her when they reached the car.   
  
And after that long, loud drive home, Sehun’s mother all but dragged him to the piano and told him to practice, practice, _practice_. Feeling dejected, Sehun complied and began pulling out his books before a piece of blue paper fluttered out.  
  
Sehun curiously picked it up and read the handwritten message on it.   
  
_You can do it! Practice lots for me this week! I believe in you! – Jongdae_   
  
At that, Sehun instantly perked up a bit and even found the strength after all the yelling he endured from his mother to smile a bit, placing the paper on the music stand to keep him determinedly focused.   
  
And so he tried again. He lifted his hands onto the keys and positioned them just like Jongdae had taught him so many times. Obviously, he was still awful. He hadn’t practiced that much in the past before anyways, so it was not possible for him to be anything but awful at this. But he tried anyways…so many times…trying, trying, trying again and again and again. After a little over three hours of this, Sehun excitedly noted that he was slowly starting to get the notes he missed the last few times, starting to play the song smoother and even close to the proper tempo the composer intended, and starting to have fun.   
  
Music could be fun.   
  
Piano could be fun.   
  
Sehun was pleasantly content as he played his song despite the few mistakes here and there. And while he was used to his own mother’s look of apparent disappointment after countless times of not reaching her high standards with whatever he did, he never wanted to see Jongdae’s own look of disappointment ever again.   
  
He wanted Jongdae to be proud of him and see his delighted smile after Sehun would show him this song…perfectly or at least almost perfectly played.   
  
With that in mind, Sehun vowed he would learn music and piano even harder in order to not only continue exploring the feelings music could evoke, but also to impress Jongdae.   
  
So the next time when Sehun showed up to Jongdae’s lessons with a cheerful smile on his face rather than the usual bored, slight frown, Jongdae immediately asked him if he was feeling okay.   
  
“What changed?” Jongdae asked after Sehun had explained he wanted to try harder and practice more, though he was surprised and pleased with Sehun’s change of heart.   
  
“I…just want to learn to play music so I can convey all these emotions, you know? You do it so easily when you sing, so I just…want to try and do that too,” Sehun said honestly.   
  
“Excellent! I’m so glad,” Jongdae smiled, clapping his hands together excitedly. Without any further word, Jongdae grabbed Sehun’s arm and pulled him along into the piano room, sending pleasant shivers through Sehun’s body that he simply dismissed as being cold.   
  
Dropping his bag onto the floor, Sehun quickly sat on the chair, eager to show Jongdae how much he’d improved.   
  
“Oh? You’re not bringing out your books?” Jongdae said, quickly taking a seat next to Sehun.   
  
“I have it mostly memorized now,” Sehun proudly said, though he paused to take out the books for Jongdae to scribble in comments and circle dynamics or notes he might miss.   
  
“Remember…Let the emotions of the music guide your playing. And then everything will hopefully follow,” Jongdae said, imitating the turn of his arm in the air.   
  
Sehun nodded before playing, the opening measures resounding strongly before he launched into the rest of the song. Furrowing his eyebrows, he concentrated on trying his best to do everything as well as he could. He liked the way he ended that scale…he liked the way he executed that sforzando…he loved the way he was finally able to express and convey even a bit of those mounting tensions and emotions the song made him feel.   
  
He was so caught up in the performance that he didn’t realize the end was already here, and following the swell of the last crescendo and the final, resolute chord that marked the end of the song, Jongdae launched himself into Sehun, hugging him tightly as he told Sehun how wonderful he was.   
  
“I’m so proud of you,” he blissfully sighed as Sehun slowly found the courage to hug Jongdae back tightly. Music could be like this. He could play like _this_. Sehun thanked him, glad Jongdae couldn’t see the biggest grin on his face he had after he heard Jongdae’s words and after he realized just how much he’d improved.  
  


ϟ

  
Everything smoothed out into a comfortable rhythm of weekly lessons, and while Sehun wished he could see Jongdae more often, this was good enough for now. He was progressing well to both Jongdae’s and even his mother’s own liking, and his love for music had grown too.   
  
But it was only after one lesson that was running five minutes overtime once more when chaos was brought into Sehun’s order. They had been talking and laughing over some stories about amusing things various composers had done before Sehun had begged Jongdae to show him an old performance from his rocker days.   
  
“Wow,” Sehun said as he watched a younger Jongdae his own age strut across the stage in the most sinful outfit possible. Sehun’s throat suddenly felt dry, and it was starting to feel quite hot in the room...Jongdae didn’t notice Sehun’s discomfort at all, though, choosing to ramble on about memories he had of that concert. Apparently this was his favorite song to sing with his band, his favorite performance with them…his last performance on a stage like this.  
  
“Can you…send me this video? Your performance is amazing, Jongdae,” Sehun continued to stare, his mouth wide open as Jongdae hit a series of high notes that rattled the speakers.   
  
“Why?” Jongdae laughed, lightly hitting Sehun, “What will your mother say if you used this as inspiration and walked out of your house wearing ripped, too-tight jeans and eyeliner?”  
  
“Just because,” Sehun mumbled, not willing to tell Jongdae he’d replay this video so many times if he could, “Besides, what’s wrong with those clothes? I’m especially loving that tank top.”  
  
“I know…I stole Jongdeok’s baggy band t-shirts and cut them up…sometimes a bit too much, I guess. I think I still have some of them and other clothes from those days in my closet somewhere,” Jongdae said, watching his old self taunt the crowd while wearing that tank top with those frustratingly large, gaping holes in the sides.   
  
“You do?” Sehun said, quickly shifting his attention away from onscreen, past Jongdae who was smirking into the crowd as he sang and to present day Jongdae who was just as beautiful, if not even more.   
  
“I probably still fit in some of those outfits, honestly,” Jongdae joked, “What would you do if I showed up to a lesson wearing that?”  
  
“I’d have a hard time concentrating on my lesson then,” Sehun said, not realizing the gravity of his words until Jongdae looked up and met Sehun’s gaze with his own. Sehun couldn’t quite tell if Jongdae’s suddenly stormy, brooding look was…a good thing, but he took refuge in the way Jongdae’s lips curled up just a bit more at Sehun’s words.   
  
But they were quickly interrupted by a more pressing issue presented by Sehun’s mother who knocked on the door before barging in without Jongdae’s consent.   
  
“You’re a bit overtime, but it looks like you’re done anyways,” his mother noted, observing the lack of music being played.   
  
“Yeah, I was just telling Sehun about –“ Jongdae began to say.   
  
“Anyways, I just wanted to inform you that you are invited to a family concert where Sehun is performing,” his mother said.   
  
What.   
  
“Oh, thank you so much! Sehun, you didn’t tell me you had a concert coming up!” Jongdae said, clapping Sehun on the back, pleased Sehun would get an opportunity to perform in front of people.   
  
_What_.   
  
“I…didn’t know, too,” Sehun panicked, thinking of the sudden, abrupt idea of performing a memorized song in front of many people.   
  
What the _fuck_? When was she going to tell him…  
  
“Well, now you know. It’ll be in a couple weeks, so practice hard. Jongdae, make sure he does well. Now pack up your things, and I’ll be in the car,” his mother said before leaving as abruptly as she entered.   
  
“Hey! Your first concert! I can’t wait,” Jongdae excitedly poked Sehun’s arm.   
  
“I…,” Sehun choked out, still dazed by the prospect of performing at a concert.   
  
“Hey…You can do it,” Jongdae reassured Sehun.   
  
“How am I supposed to do this? Play well in front of all those people? Play like my mother wants me to? Play like you want me to? Play like…how I want to?” Sehun panicked. Memorizing music probably came so easily to Jongdae since he had perfect pitch, but Sehun had to work for it. He was still working for it, and while he had most of the notes of his song mostly memorized, there were still dynamics to remember and articulations to express whenever he played.   
  
“I believe in you, Sehun. And if you want, I can give you free extra lessons, too,” Jongdae smiled, leaning forward to comfort Sehun with a hug. Sehun instantly welcomed Jongdae into his arms, seeking comfort in Jongdae’s warmth and kindness as he attempted to stop thinking and worrying about the impending concert.   
  
On the way home as his mother told him all about which one of his cousins would be playing, which in-laws were attending despite how much they hated the family, which foods she’d be ordering for the occasion, Sehun ignored everything his mother said as soon as he received an email from Jongdae, who attached _the_ video as well as a sweet message.   
  
_Hey…Cheer up, okay? You’ve got this. I’m right here with you – Jongdae_   
  


ϟ

  
Sehun found himself seeking out Jongdae a few other days of the week at night after Jongdae was all done with teaching and after he was all done with whatever assignments his college professors assigned him. Jongdae had stubbornly refused to accept the large check Sehun offered him at the end of their first extra lesson, assuring Sehun that a good performance would be more than enough for him.   
  
Sehun didn’t know what happened, but those extra lessons at night slowly turned into just extra time spent together. And sometimes when it got too late and Sehun didn’t have time to eat between classes and Jongdae didn’t have time to eat between lessons, the two of them would order food Sehun always insisted on paying for and eat afterwards together, talking and laughing as the night passed onwards.   
  
Sehun really enjoyed Jongdae’s company, and he learned a lot about the man between piano lessons and shared pizzas. Jongdae loved Chopin. He wanted to fight Rachmaninoff every other day. And he was amused by the way Sehun’s body never seemed to stop moving, apparently.   
  
“You’re so restless,” Jongdae said, noting the way Sehun’s fingers or feet were constantly tapping even now when he was sitting around with almost empty pizza boxes and scattered sheet music around them.   
  
“I guess I can’t keep still that often,” Sehun shrugged, tearing half of the last slice of pizza before placing the other half in the box just in case Jongdae wanted it later.   
  
“How do you get rid of all that restless energy then?” Jongdae asked as he placed a hand over Sehun’s foot to keep it from moving around. As soon as Jongdae took his hand off, Sehun immediately began moving it around again before Jongdae clamped a hand over it once more as he laughed at Sehun’s movements.   
  
“I dance by myself a lot. Not professionally though,” Sehun said as he started tapping a finger on Jongdae’s arm to tease him.   
  
“Show me one day then,” Jongdae smiled, putting a free arm on top of Sehun’s hand to cease the tapping as well.   
  
“Dance with me one day then,” Sehun said, and while his body was finally completely still, his heart was dancing up a wild storm in his chest, beating and thumping away.   
  


ϟ

  
That one day had not come yet as the weeks quickly flew, though the concert date was rapidly approaching. Sehun had his whole piece memorized, and while his performance fell just a bit short to his high standards, he still felt…actually alright about it so far.   
  
Sehun hoped everything would go as smoothly as possible, and finally on the day of the concert, he found himself nervously redoing his tie about five times…just to get it perfect. His mother had insisted that the concert would be held at their house since it was more than big enough for a reception and a large amount of guests. But he didn’t want to dress up and look good for his family, no. He saw enough of their snooty selves…He just wanted to dress up for Jongdae.   
  
And as his relatives began to arrive, younger cousins lugging in large cellos and other smaller instrument cases and older relatives heading straight for some food or alcohol, Sehun stood by the door mumbling out greeting after greeting beside his mother, waiting for Jongdae to come by.   
  
Even though everyone had entered and were seated in the large, spacious parlor, Sehun was still sitting by the doorsteps looking at the ground and observing a trail of ants his mother would no doubt have exterminated later as he waited for Jongdae to show up. A pair of black high top converse walked into his view and stopped abruptly, and when Sehun looked upwards to welcome its owner, he didn’t even know what he could possibly say.   
  
Jongdae greeted him with a smile, swinging a suit jacket over his shoulder looking so _attractive_. He wore dress pants Sehun just _knew_ would accentuate his ass wonderfully, and his arms were threatening to burst out of his shirt once again, causing Sehun to swear that the day Jongdae wore a sleeveless tank top in front of him would be the day he would have to take a seat so his feet wouldn’t crumple underneath him and would have to maybe lie down for a whole century and a half.   
  
“Hello, Sehun. You look very sharp today!” Jongdae said, shaking Sehun out of his frustrated thoughts and shy admiration and causing Sehun to blush immediately at Jongdae’s compliment, “I wasn’t sure how formal your concert was going to be since it was just a family gathering, but…knowing your mom it probably was going to be more formal than some fashion gala. Sorry about the shoes…I couldn’t find my dress ones, so these had to do... But I…guess I should probably put this on now.”  
  
“You look good, too,” Sehun managed to choke out before he reached out for Jongdae’s suit jacket, “Here, let me help you.” He held out Jongdae’s jacket carefully and helped him slip it on quickly before they headed inside, slipping into the back row of metal fold-up chairs his mother had set up.   
  
One of his younger cousins was currently standing next to the piano in white stockings and a poofy dress as she sawed away on her small violin. Upon hearing her play, Jongdae winced and leaned over to whisper in Sehun’s ear.   
  
“Jongdeok would’ve killed her for having such poor bowing technique,” Jongdae said, his fingers hovering a few centimeters from Sehun’s face as he covered his mouth to hide his whispering.   
  
“Your brother would’ve reduced her to tears upon meeting her, honestly,” Sehun leaned closer to Jongdae, feeling Jongdae’s hot breath tickle his neck as he whispered back.   
  
The two of them continued to whisper comments to each other, trying to stifle their occasional laughter behind their hands. Sehun’s mother stood, searching for the source of the continuous, diminished noise, and when she found Sehun and Jongdae in the back row, she frowned. Sehun had easily slipped back into his neutral countenance after years of practice, but Jongdae’s grin that threatened to burst out from his forcibly pressed lips gave them away anyways.   
  
“Next, we have Sehun playing the piano,” his mother coolly announced to the audience, raising an eyebrow as she observed their antics.   
  
Oh _fuck_.   
  
He was really going…now?  
  
But Jongdae had already leaned in once more to wish him good luck, patting his shoulder before he sent him off with a push. Sehun stumbled out of the aisle, his heart speeding up erratically and stuttering to life after those previous moments of content stability. He could feel everyone’s eyes on him as he walked down the aisle step…by step…by step…until he reached the piano, feeling suddenly alone despite the large number of people in the room staring at him and waiting for him to begin playing. Taking a deep breath, he reached out a shaky arm to grasp the edge of the piano as he bowed to a sea of polite applause punctuated by Jongdae’s distinct, enthusiastic clapping in the back. Sehun wiped his hands on his dress pants before kneeling to adjust the piano chair…It wasn’t his fault that all of his cousins were so tiny and needed the chair so high.   
  
After spending a few moments adjusting the chair, Sehun finally sat, placed his hands on the piano just like Jongdae taught him, and began to play.   
  
He wished he could say he lost himself in the music, honestly, but the panic and anxiety that he had been so diligently trying to repress had all manifested into trembling hands, a bit of a rushed tempo, and doubt. Sehun internally screamed at himself throughout the whole performance, knowing he could have played this note better…should have kept the tempo stable in that section…would have played this passage more beautifully if he wasn’t so _nervous_.   
  
And when he reached the final section of the song after doing his best to survive, it was just his best luck that he found himself forgetting how the piece ended…Of all the things to forget, of course it just had to be the fucking ending. Wow.   
  
Sehun, trying not to panic even further or let the audience know he had absolutely no idea what he was doing, thought back to Jongdae’s lessons on improvisation and advice on what to do when such things happened, and immediately jumped back to a safe starting point about twelve measures backwards so he could perhaps play that and hopefully remember the ending once he approached it again.   
  
But no.   
  
No.   
  
_No_.   
  
After who knows how many times Sehun went rushing backwards to try and find the end, he just couldn’t…remember. And maybe if there was just some small, slim chance that the audience had not caught onto what he was doing, he knew his mother knew. And Jongdae definitely knew.   
  
He just…had to end it somehow.   
  
And thinking back to their first lesson, Sehun simply copied his first encounter with the piano, though more intelligently this time, ending the song with a random chord in the key as convincingly as he could play it.   
  
And that was it.   
  
That was his first performance.   
  
And he failed.   
  
With a heavy heart, Sehun lifted the pedal to chase away the remaining sounds and stood, bowing to applause he felt he did not deserve. But as he recovered from his bowing and stood upright once more, he saw Jongdae leaping to his seat in the back, yelling and cheering Sehun loudly.   
  
“Yeah, Sehun!” Jongdae yelled, waving his hands excitedly in the air. And even though Sehun still felt completely awful about his performance, he managed a smile as he saw Jongdae’s wild cheering.   
  
He was, to say in the least, disappointed in himself. And he knew his mother definitely was too just by the way she simply nodded to him stoically before ushering his relatives into the reception area for whatever food and drinks she prepared. And despite Jongdae’s cheering, Sehun thought Jongdae was still probably disappointed in him as well.  
  
How many lessons had they spent together? How many extra ones as well?  
  
And here Sehun was…not even able to remember this one song he worked so hard on.   
  
So, he just hung back, letting the people move out of the room before sitting in a corner and brooding over what a terrible performance he just gave. If he didn’t feel any of those spectacular, beautiful emotions while playing, then there was no way he was able to make the audience feel them as well.   
  
“Congratulations, Sehun! Good job with your first concert,” Jongdae said, plopping beside Sehun as he patted him on the back, though looked concernedly when Sehun didn’t even lift his head or smile, “Hey…are you okay?”  
  
“I did terribly. I know,” Sehun glumly said, tapping his finger to a slow, sad sarabande Jongdae played for him one day.   
  
“No! It’s okay! You did really well! That was your first concert, too, and I’m so impressed with what you’ve accomplished and how far you’ve come, alright? It’s okay to get nervous. Everyone does! Everything will be okay. I promise,” Jongdae reassuringly said, swinging an arm over Sehun to comfort him, rubbing his shoulders comfortingly.   
  
“But I failed,” Sehun sighed, unconsciously leaning closer to Jongdae for solace and support, “I failed, and my mom’s disappointed in me and you’re probably disappointed in me, too.”   
  
“But I’m proud of you, Sehun. You did well for your first time, and it takes a lot of courage to play in front of so many people. And wow! I loved how you ingeniously went back to previous sections so seamlessly while you tried to remember the end! And that last chord you improvised? I loved it, Sehun,” Jongdae continued to try and reassure Sehun that his performance was not that bad at all. Not at all.   
  
“I’m disappointed in myself though,” Sehun said in a quieter voice, staring ahead at the piano that taunted him with memories of what had just occurred.   
  
With that, Jongdae’s kind smile slipped from his face, only to be replaced by a stormy, resolute gaze. Suddenly, he leaned over to touch Sehun’s chin and raise it upwards before moving into Sehun’s line of vision, forcing Sehun to look way from the piano and into his resolute gaze.   
  
“Okay. You think you failed. So what?” Jongdae slowly said, his words charged with such a tense tempest of thunderous emotions that struck Sehun’s heart and set it ablaze, “You’re still alive, right? So you’ll still get a second…third…fifth… _tenth_ chance. Always. So you think you failed. So what? So try _harder_ , practice _harder_ , love _harder_. Try again.”  
  
“I will,” Sehun found himself saying, mesmerized by Jongdae and his powerful words and unable to look away from Jongdae’s eyes that crackled with such brilliant ferocity.   
  
Jongdae continued looking into Sehun’s eyes, searching for firm resolution and determined intent, and after he found Sehun’s own wild will somewhere deep inside Sehun didn’t even know quite existed in him, he let his fingers gently slip off of Sehun’s face. After a silent moment, the stormy expression on Jongdae’s face cleared instantly as it faded to a look of quiet concern.   
  
“Thank you, Jongdae…for your words. For your everything,” Sehun said, taking in the gravity of Jongdae’s words.   
  
“Always,” Jongdae smiled.   
  
“Have you ever…failed before?” Sehun found himself asking as Jongdae scooted back to his seat next to Sehun.   
  
“Naturally,” Jongdae admitted before launching into a story of how in his rocker days he was so nervous for his first gig that he somehow managed to not only rip his too tight pants when he tried to power slide across the stage, but also managed to fuck up his high notes in one song after his voice cracked from stress. He would’ve thought that after countless years of flawless classical concerts he would’ve been more prepared and less nervous for his first rock stage with his band, but apparently not…   
  
“I’m so sorry…You were probably still amazing, though, for sure,” Sehun said, trying not to think too hard about Jongdae in smoky eyeliner and ripped jeans strutting up the stage as he sang his heart out, though was unsuccessful as the innumerable times he rewatched the video Jongdae sent him caused sinful images to appear briefly but vividly. Very vividly.   
  
“If you can say that about me…who’s made worse mistakes than you on my first stage performance, then why are you so hard on yourself?” Jongdae laughed, shaking his head as he shook those embarrassing moments out of his mind.   
  
Sehun was at a loss for words. Jongdae was right…perhaps he was too hard on himself, but still. It was so hard failing and falling in front of so many people…  
  
But he was okay now. And he would be okay.   
  
But he was going to try harder now. And he would try again.   
  
And even though this was supposed to be a concert, it was still technically a family gathering filled with people Sehun didn’t quite want to spend time with, so Jongdae had snuck away to bring back some food and an opened bottle of champagne away from the refreshments table for the both of them because Sehun had no desire to go himself and risk being whirled into an hour long conversation with an uncle about politics or into a talk about his future after graduation with an aunt.   
  
After they had eaten whatever tiny, extravagantly decorated cakes Jongdae brought back, they sat around taking swigs of champagne together straight from the bottle, talking and laughing and living together.   
  
“I don’t even like champagne,” Jongdae hiccupped as he finished taking another sip.   
  
“I don’t even like to drink,” Sehun said, taking the bottle from Jongdae. Even though Jongdae was considerably more affected by the alcohol, they should probably stop soon before their tipsiness gave way to full on drunkenness.   
  
And especially before Sehun would do something he’d prefer to do when he was completely sober or something he’d prefer to dreamily think about only when he was tangled between those blissful moments in the morning, tangled in his bed sheets drifting in between sleep and consciousness, tangled between the desire to act upon his feelings and the reluctance sparked by fear of rejection.   
  
Maybe it was the champagne tugging at Sehun’s heart and pushing him forward, but Sehun just wanted to hug Jongdae so much. He wanted to feel Jongdae’s arms around him and hold him close to him, to feel Jongdae’s heart beat with his as he’d press their chests together.   
  
And he wanted to kiss him.   
  
Sehun wanted to press his lips against Jongdae’s and feel his curved lips on his own, to feel how soft Jongdae’s hair was as Sehun ran his fingers through it, to feel Jongdae gasping into Sehun’s mouth as he poured all his emotions into his kiss.   
  
So it was with these racing thoughts that Sehun found himself leaning in closer and closer and closer to Jongdae until –  
  
“Sehun! There you are! So many relatives are leaving, and you haven’t even talked to a single one,” his mother said, abruptly entering the room as she frowned at Sehun’s absence throughout the whole night.   
  
“What?” Sehun said, jumping back slightly at the sound of her voice.   
  
“Never mind…Just get him home,” his mother said, softening considerably and relaxing her countenance into something almost like a smile once she saw them sitting around together with stupid, fond grins on their faces.   
  
Sehun nodded and got to his feet before leaning downwards to help Jongdae up. And when he swung Jongdae’s arm around his shoulder so he could more easily support Jongdae who was slightly tipsier and slightly already drunk, Sehun realized that Jongdae was so touchy when he drank.   
  
And this was a problem.   
  
He didn’t trust himself to drive at all, so as Sehun dragged Jongdae through the streets, patiently waiting for Jongdae to keep up with him, he realized it was so hard when Jongdae was just nuzzling his neck and leaning so heavily against Sehun’s shoulder and occasionally touching his chest with his free arm.   
  
“Sehun…you’re so _cute_ …” Jongdae sighed as he leaned on Sehun more and more and more until Sehun swore Jongdae was going to pass out.   
  
“Hey…hey we’re almost home. Can’t you just wait a little longer?” Sehun asked, gritting his teeth as he tried to resist Jongdae and his fingers that were currently tracing Sehun’s bicep and beginning to wander…downwards.  
  
After what seemed like the longest and most frustrating walk of his life, they finally approached Jongdae’s home as Sehun tiredly knocked on the front door hoping Jongdeok was home to take care of Jongdae. After a few moments, Jongdeok opened the door looking a bit puzzled as to who would be visiting at such an hour…five minutes past midnight.  
  
“Fuck, you got him shitfaced didn’t you,” he gleefully leered once he saw Jongdae clinging to and hanging off of Sehun’s arm.   
  
“What are you…talking about…He’s beautiful-faced. Not shitfaced,” Sehun tiredly said.   
  
“Shit you’re tipsy too…Just wait a moment and I’ll give you a ride home, kid. Jongdae would kill me if I let something happen to you,” Jongdeok nodded before struggling to pull Jongdae off of Sehun’s arm, as Jongdae whined and clung harder to Sehun every time Jongdeok attempted to yank him off of Sehun. Cursing, Jongdeok finally managed to pry Jongdae off of Sehun’s arm and dragged him to his room. Sehun just weakly leaned on the door to wait for Jongdeok, tired after all that walking and emotionally exhausted after everything that had happened that night.   
  
“Damn you look awful…Let’s go,” Jongdeok clucked his tongue as he returned, swinging his keys around. Sehun was too tired to say anything, so he merely just trudged after Jongdeok before pulling himself into the front of Jongdeok’s car and collapsing into the seat.   
  
“Thanks for bringing him home, but how much did he even drink? He’s usually not this weak,” Jongdeok shook his head as he slammed the door behind him and started the engine of his truck.   
  
“We shared…a bottle…of champagne,” Sehun mumbled before Jongdeok let out a loud laugh and chided him for not even getting drunk on the good stuff.   
  
Jongdeok let Sehun rest somewhat decently, opting to talk about things that didn’t require Sehun to always respond to, and hazily, Sehun realized Jongdeok talked just as much as Jongdae did. But he complained _so_ much more. Jongdeok complained about how some stupid violin teacher Park Chanyeol was teaching all his kids the wrong bowing technique and how some Wu Yifan across the street was much too soft and sweet with the kids he taught and how Jongdae talked too much about Sehun always.   
  
And then Jongdeok just _had_ to open his mouth and ask a question that made Sehun jolt up so quickly that his seatbelt got stuck.   
  
“Are you fucking my brother?” he bluntly asked.  
  
“N-No,” Sehun stammered, feeling suddenly more awake than he felt the whole night and feeling his already flushed face go redder, glad that it was dark so Jongdeok wouldn’t have to see him like this. They hadn’t even gone on a date yet, hadn’t even danced together like they wanted yet, hadn’t even _kissed_ yet…  
  
“You’re so whipped it’s ridiculous,” Jongdeok leered, “I’ll set you two up, alright? I’m so fucking _sick_ of him whining about missing you, as if he didn’t see you more than enough, fuck.”  
  
Sehun wished the red light would turn green now so he would be closer to home and closer to freedom from this…He had already buried his head into his hands and hoped Jongdeok wouldn’t dare tell Jongdae about any of this.   
  
“And besides…it would be funny if Jongdae was going out with and getting banged by a student of his…because let’s face it…You’d top his tiny ass since he’s too small to top a giant like you,” Jongdeok continued on thoughtfully as the dark clouds finally manifested into rain that began softly pouring down. Sehun wanted to internally _cry_ when Jongdeok turned on the windshield wipers and slowed down to stay safe in the stormy weather because it would mean more of _this_.   
  
“I think he has an average ass. Not a tiny one…Maybe even a little bit better than an average one. But still…a very nice one,” Sehun found himself responding as those words slipped out of his mouth before he realized what he just told Jongdeok and clapped a horrified hand over his mouth. Fuck. He was never drinking again. Once he heard those words, Jongdeok let out a loud cackle that Sehun’s groggy head did not need at all.   
  
“Yeah okay I’m setting you guys up,” he gleefully said before parking in front of Sehun’s house.   
  
“Please don’t tell him I said that,” Sehun begged. What if Jongdeok told Jongdae and it made their lessons awkward?  
  
“Listen,” Jongdeok said, turning around to face Sehun, “Yeah I see the way you guys look at each other with those stupid love-struck eyes, alright? It’s so fucking _disgusting_.”  
  
“Is it…really that obvious?” Sehun said, feeling a rush of emotions as he realized that…yes he did like Jongdae. He liked the way Jongdae’s lips were perpetually curled up into a soft, sweet smile. He liked the way Jongdae’s laughter could make beautiful days seem brighter and lonely nights seem less dark. He liked the way Jongdae sang his heart out and played the piano with such devastatingly magnificent emotions. He really did like Jongdae, and the realization struck Sehun overwhelmingly, hitting him with fond affection that rolled through his chest and sparked fond sentiments.   
  
“So fucking obvious I can just _feel_ the pining all the way in my cello room across the house,” Jongdeok shook his head, “But you’re good for him, alright? And he really does like you. I know it.”  
  
“Oh,” was all Sehun managed to say, feeling his heart soar from the effects of the alcohol and something else more dangerously exciting as he unbuckled his seatbelt.   
  
“Now shut up and get home safely, kiddo,” Jongdeok said, pushing Sehun out of his car. Sehun thanked him before scrambling outwards, exposed to the storm outside as he walked towards his house as a hurricane of thoughts, all of them Jongdae, Jongdae, _Jongdae_ thundered through his mind and tugged the corners of his lips upwards as raindrops lightly danced upon his skin.   
  
Jongdeok wasn’t that bad after all.   
  


ϟ

  
Sehun quickly reconsidered that when he was forced to sit through lessons with Jongdae that were punctually and consistently interrupted by Jongdeok, who took whatever chance he had to barge in with some excuse like demanding things from the Henle edition of the second volume of Beethoven sonatas to a simple metronome because he had somehow mysteriously managed to misplace his own, only to wink knowingly at Sehun as Jongdae got up to get whatever he demanded.   
  
But besides that, Sehun continued to enjoy the time he spent with Jongdae learning music and just being near his presence. It had seemed that Jongdae had luckily recalled no memory of the events that had happened after they had started taking swigs of champagne after Sehun’s first concert. Good. Sehun didn’t want him to remember how completely affected Jongdae made him…But nonetheless, things were going well. Sehun was progressing rapidly and had grown more confident in his musical capabilities, leaving the past concert behind him.   
  
And while he still didn’t know what he really wanted from this, he still enjoyed being introduced to concepts from twelve-tone scales to retrograde inversion anyways. Jongdae was a brilliant teacher like always, and lately had been singing a lot more for Sehun, and every time Sehun listened to him sing or play the piano or even laugh, he felt himself inwardly swoon as he tried hard to not look like a love-struck fool.   
  
“Sehun…are you paying attention?” Jongdae would often say, waving a hand in front of Sehun’s face after realizing he hadn’t been focusing at all.   
  
“What? Yeah,” Sehun sighed, continuing to stare at Jongdae lovingly, “Just continue speaking.”  
  
“No, I’ve finished making my point! Can you play from the beginning now? I want to see if you can get a bit of that energy right from the beginning. It’s all in the angle you play at…The bone alignment in your fingers matters a lot for this sort of execution. And maybe think of something to inspire you to play like this,” Jongdae said, pumping his arm to demonstrate the power he wished Sehun could emulate in the beginning chords of a new song he was learning.   
  
Whoops.   
  
Sehun began to play, thinking of how much he liked Jongdae as he pressed the keys hard and leaned forward into the piece as the crescendo and dancing rhythm moved him, hoping it was enough to please Jongdae.   
  
“Excellent! If you practice that more just like this, I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Jongdae clapped his hands, “What were you thinking of while you played? I’m curious.”  
  
“Thunder,” Sehun lied, “I wanted to imitate the striking of lightning as I struck the keys.” Jongdae nodded appreciatively, looking as if he wanted to say something more before asking Sehun to try again.   
  
And things would continue on like this, Sehun chasing the moments in between lessons and extra lessons and no lessons, beginning to bare his heart out more to Jongdae with bold hugs and little touches here and there. And Jongdae only encouraged Sehun’s affection, leaning on Sehun’s shoulder after a long night of teaching or running his hand across the length of Sehun’s back to silently remind him to keep a good posture while he played.   
  
It seemed that they were both dancing between the lines of things said and unsaid and things felt but unknown.   
  
This was something.   
  
There was something very real and very present between them, and while they were brave enough to continue on like this, none of them were brave enough to make any further or bolder plays…until one day when Jongdeok came bursting in again, opening the door with a bam, the slam welcoming his damned presence as he brazenly and obnoxiously interrupted their lesson, stopping Sehun mid-chord while he wore a smirk that made Sehun fear for his life.   
  
Oh no.   
  
“Hello, Jongdae. Sehun,” Jongdeok greeted, grinning a large smile that showed off nearly all of his teeth that Sehun had no doubt could rip him easily to shreds.   
  
“Hey!” Jongdae frustratingly said, “You can’t just keep coming in here so often to interrupt. Don’t you have better things to do with your time? Like…actually teaching?”  
  
“Jongdae, I am absolutely hurt that you aren’t happy to see me, your own brother,” Jongdeok pretended to look wounded, placing a hand over his heart and doing his best to act offended.   
  
“Leave please,” Jongdae sighed, pointing at the door before turning his back to Jongdeok. But when Jongdeok winked at Sehun and slid on a dangerously lazy smirk, Sehun just knew something awful was going to happen.   
  
Oh _no_.   
  
Usually Jongdae tolerated Jongdeok’s continuous interruptions, opting to retrieve whatever Jongdeok wanted in order to chase him out quickly. But he had grown so sick of doing this so often, and Jongdae was in no mood to entertain Jongdeok again and again and again like this.   
  
So when Jongdeok opened his mouth to say his next comment, Jongdae _lost_ it.   
  
“Jongdae, why didn’t you tell me Sehun fucked up his first concert anyways?” Jongdeok said.   
  
With that, Jongdae snapped his attention to Jongdeok, sending him a fierce glare crackling with raw fury before he berated him, jumping to Sehun’s defense and asking Jongdeok how could he _dare_ come in here and say such things…as if his own students were always perfect themselves. Jongdeok merely looked amused and smug while Jongdae went off, causing Sehun to blush as he began complimenting Sehun’s progress and listing all the things Sehun was good at such as interpreting music himself, drawing the most beautiful treble clefs that could put Tchaikovsky’s to shame, and playing with more emotions than Jongdeok’s emotionless little kids played with.   
  
“Yeah, yeah, yeah…whatever. But at this rate I don’t think he’d even be able to learn Mozart’s C Major Sonata. Not even that! Let alone…a Chopin Nocturne in a year. No. Way,” Jongdeok baited Jongdae onwards as he eyed a Chopin Nocturne book laying around, doing his best to ignore Jongdae’s insults at his own students. He was here for Sehun…He could fight Jongdae later.   
  
“Oh _yeah_? You just fucking _wait_ for our end of year studio concert, Jongdeok. Just you fucking _wait_. Just pick any nocturne, and Sehun will be there playing it better than any of your students,” Jongdae threw back.   
  
What.   
  
_What_.   
  
Getting dragged into things without any prior notice was normal, but playing a seemingly difficult song at another concert…in front of more people… _talented_ people at that…wasn’t exactly the greatest thought.   
  
“Well, brother. I should hope he can play nocturnes better than my students since he actually knows piano unlike my cellists…But if you insist you can teach him so well that you can transform him, a beginner, into a musician capable of playing that in a year, then by all means go ahead,” Jongdeok said, raising his hands in mock defeat.   
  
Fuck.   
  
If this was Jongdeok’s way of setting them up, Sehun wished he hadn’t accepted that ride with him that one night so long ago at all.   
  
“Fuck yeah, asshole,” Jongdae mouthed back, “Sehun will be playing so well that you’ll be reduced to complete _tears_. So please do bring a few boxes of tissues to the concert, yeah?”  
  
 _Fuck_.   
  
How…was he supposed to reduce the audience, let alone fucking intimidating _Jongdeok_ , to tears?   
  
“Alright, Jongdae. What nocturne should I be expecting to be fucked up at our concert?” Jongdeok leered, “Op. 9 Number Two?”  
  
“What the _fuck_ , Jongdeok? Even from you I expect more taste,” Jongdae disgustedly said, “That’s too cliché. Sehun’s better than that.”  
  
“Oh? How about Op. 27 Number One?” Jongdeok fired back.   
  
“Too. Overplayed,” Jongdae shook his head, “Are you going to give me a nocturne for him to play, or will we be here until dusk destined to become nocturnal while we wait for you to choose?” Sehun thought it was definitely not the time to make any puns, though he did weakly send Jongdae a small, appreciative smile.   
  
“Op. 9 Number One. Final answer,” Jongdeok resolutely said, “The first nocturne for a first-time musician.”  
  
“Good. He’ll play it so beautifully that we’ll have to hurry to put all your stupid cellos in their cases before they get wrecked by the flood of tears that’ll fall from the audience’s faces after Sehun plays,” Jongdae nodded before demanding Jongdeok to leave.   
  
“Yeah, yeah, alright. If you say so,” Jongdeok shrugged, stealing Jongdae’s metronome once again as he began to walk out.   
  
“Jongdae,” Sehun weakly said as he watched Jongdeok smugly wave goodbye as he left the room as loudly as he came in, slamming the door behind him, “I…”  
  
“Shh, Sehun. You can do it. I believe in you,” Jongdae said, his expression softening as he saw Sehun’s mildly terrified expression.   
  
“Belief isn’t going to be enough sometimes, Jongdae,” Sehun said, still stunned with what Jongdae signed him up to do. “What if I can’t?”  
  
“You can. And I will be here every step of the way,” Jongdae promised, taking Sehun’s hand within his and squeezing it to comfort him.   
  
“Yeah?” Sehun said, seeking comfort in Jongdae’s touch.   
  
“Yeah.” Jongdae promised.   
  
Sehun was much too unfocused to properly play anything else that lesson, so Jongdae decided to keep his mind off of what had happened and what would happen by telling him stories about Liszt.   
  
“One of my favorite pieces of all time is by Liszt, you know. His ‘Waldesrauschen,’ one of his ‘Zwei Konzertëtuden,’ is one of the most beautiful songs I’ve ever heard or played in my entire life,” Jongdae said.   
  
“I thought you were a Chopin guy,” Sehun said, remembering all the countless Chopin pieces Jongdae had played for him and that Chopin Nocturne he’d soon learn.   
  
“There are too many good composers and songs out there for me to like only one composer, Sehun,” Jongdae shook his head amusingly.   
  
“What’s so special about this song then…if there are so many other songs that could be your favorite?” Sehun asked.   
  
“It’s a beautiful piece that you just…listen to with your ears but feel with your heart. It’s…It’s so hard to explain what it makes me feel, but when you look at all those chords he used to base the song around…it’s absolutely astonishing to see such ecstatic beauty and turbulent joy in a piece that’s structured on so many diminished and minor chords,” Jongdae said, trying to express himself properly.   
  
“Dissonance,” Sehun said, remembering what Jongdae said about this the first time they met, “It’s beautiful dissonance…the right kind of balance between wild chaos and technical order.”  
  
“Yes,” Jongdae said, pleased Sehun remembered things he had taught him so long ago, “Dissonance. Of the best, most wonderful kind.”  
  
“Can you…play it for me please?” Sehun asked.   
  
Jongdae smiled and motioned for Sehun to switch positions with him so he could play. It was certainly not the first time Jongdae would play him a song, and it would not be the last either. But this time would be one of the most memorable to Sehun.  
  
After pausing to collect his thoughts and center his focus, Jongdae lightly placed his hands on the piano and began to play a soft, rapid right hand motif that was soon joined by a low, yearning melody played by his left hand. The simple texture at the beginning of the passage soon inverted, the right hand now playing the soaring melody, doubled in bright octaves and the left hand playing a beautiful accompaniment across the lower registers of the piano. The swell of the emotions moved Sehun, and he felt his heart flutter as the piece rapidly fluctuated between soaring crescendos and timid diminuendos. He was so captivated by the way Jongdae’s hands moved so rapidly back and forth, the way Jongdae would press his lips together when he played an especially hard passage, the way Jongdae closed his eyes when he especially enjoyed one passage.   
  
And after what seemed like a blissful eternity, the piece ended the way it began, the soft, peaceful motif echoing and fading as quietly as it was introduced. Sehun was left stunned and in complete awe of Jongdae, thinking that if he could possibly hope to convey even _half_ of the emotions Jongdae did while playing this song, he would feel more accomplished than he’d felt in a long time.   
  
Sehun honestly didn’t know what he could say. At this point, it’d be complete disrespect and slander to call Jongdae’s performance perfect and beautiful because it was so much more than that. Sehun cursed all the languages for not having the proper words to express his feelings towards the song, towards Jongdae’s performance, towards Jongdae himself. After Jongdae finally lifted his foot off the pedal and his hands off the piano keys, he turned to face Sehun who, once he saw Jongdae’s dazed expression and fond smile, realized there was nothing he could do except leave the inadequate words rushing through his mind unsaid.   
  
Words failed him, so his actions would have to do.   
  
And so Sehun leapt forwards, not even having the time to clap for Jongdae’s performance, instead showing his appreciation, his awe, his admiration by gently not so gently cupping Jongdae’s face to kiss his soft lips.   
  
If Jongdae was already slightly breathless after exerting so much energy playing such a difficult song, then he was made absolutely speechless and utterly overwhelmed after they broke apart, breathing heavily.   
  
Jongdae’s eyes widened as he touched his lips that still crackled and buzzed from Sehun’s kiss, and Sehun took Jongdae’s lack of a positive response…or lack of a response at all as a sign he wasn’t…interested.   
  
“Oh,” Sehun said, lowering his head, “Sorry if I was too forward.”  
  
But Jongdae gently touched Sehun’s cheek with a hand and tilted Sehun’s head upwards to meet his gaze.   
  
“When you came crashing into my studio…frowns, bored looks and all, I was so bent on helping you love music and see the wonder in the notes and the chords and everything,” Jongdae began to say with a soft, fond smile, “And I’m really glad you like it more now, but I really like you, too, Sehun. You’re such a magnificent person, and I’m proud of everything you are.   
  
Sehun was left speechless _again_ , feeling like he wanted to cry after Jongdae just looked so lovingly and affectionately at him after he heard those touching words that struck his heart and left bursting sparks everywhere.   
  
And once again, he let the words fall unsaid from his mouth, choosing not to speak, but rather show.   
  
_Thank you_ he thought as he leaned forward to kiss Jongdae’s forehead.   
  
_Thank you_ he hummed as he hovered downwards to kiss Jongdae’s cheek.   
  
_Thank you_ he felt as he raised a trembling hand to lift Jongdae’s chin upwards so he could kiss his beautifully curved lips again and again and again.   
  
Thank you, thank you, _thank you_.   
  
Jongdae, Jongdae, _Jongdae_.   
  
“You know…Even though I had and still have some older adult students, I’ve never really envisioned I’d be dating a student,” Jongdae admitted as he slid his hand into Sehun’s and held it tightly.   
  
“Really? You’ve never once thought about dating me? Your student?” Sehun teased, his free hand tapping out a quick, happy allegro as Jongdae pouted.   
  
“You’re different. I think about you too much,” Jongdae shook his head, “But I’m supposed to be more professional about this.”  
  
“When…have you honestly ever been professional with me, though,” Sehun said, thinking of all those extra free lessons and all the time they spent with each other eating together and laughing together and living together.   
  
“What are you talking about?” Jongdae slyly said as he lifted Sehun’s hand and pressed kisses to his knuckles in between his words, “This…Is…Professional.”  
  
Sehun rolled his eyes before asking a more important question.  
  
“What are we going to do about my mom? She wouldn’t…take it well if she found out I was dating my _teacher_ ,” Sehun said.   
  
“Well, if you don’t want her to know, then she doesn’t have to. We can always say I’m just giving you more lessons,” Jongdae said, letting Sehun’s hand go at last.   
  
“Okay,” Sehun nodded, not giving Jongdae even a moment’s notice before he tackled him to the floor, sending a light gale that caused the sheet music to flutter and rain down from the music stand before he pressed kisses to Jongdae’s pink cheeks and soft neck and laughing lips.  
  


ϟ

  
Sehun quickly found, however, that Jongdae and music were inseparable even outside of their music lessons. On their first date, Jongdae had showed up looking as beautiful as ever, but surprised Sehun with concert tickets to see some orchestra play.   
  
It was exciting at first, but after the first half hour, Sehun found his eyes drooping as the enchanting violins began to sing him to sleep. But it was initially so hard to keep falling, falling, falling asleep because of the occasional loud sforzandos that jolted him awake after passages of nothing but soft melodies, though in the second movement, the tempo had slowed down enough for the solo clarinet to whisper soothing melodies into Sehun’s ear that finally caused him to successfully fall…fall…fall…asleep as he appreciated the beauty of the song.   
  
Jongdae loved it all, though. He loved the way the wispy clarinet’s wonderfully raspy sound rose higher and higher and higher above the other instruments, the way the texture thinned occasionally to emphasize the cello’s bass line, the way sole piano in a sea of brass and string instruments complemented everything magnificently. All concert long, he attentively watched and listened to the orchestra with admiration and awe and love. But when he checked on Sehun next to him and found him half asleep and resting his drooping head on his hands propped up by his elbows, Jongdae smiled fondly and gently lifted the dividing arm rest between their seats and pushed Sehun into his lap, allowing him to fall asleep to orchestra’s music and the feeling of Jongdae’s fingers gently nestled in his hair.   
  
Sehun awoke by the third movement to the sound of the roll of the drums and the crashing cymbals that crackled with climatic fury, signaling the return to the beginning and the main theme. But after he realized where he was…whose lap he slept on and whose fingers were still nestled in his hair, Sehun simply spent the rest of the concert continuing to lie in Jongdae’s lap, staring sideways up at the orchestra in front of them while nuzzling Jongdae’s thighs. But Sehun obliviously missed the way Jongdae tightly gripped his armrest with his free arm and the way Jongdae’s heart raced faster than the currently presto tempo the orchestra was playing at in response to his movements.   
  
After the concert finished and the musicians took their bows, Jongdae clapped loudly and enthusiastically, but did not leap from his seat to cheer as ecstatically as he had cheered for Sehun. Only Sehun.   
  
“From the parts you stayed awake for…Did you like it at all? I’m sorry I brought you here if you thought it was boring,” Jongdae said as the audience began to shuffle out of the rows and aisles.   
  
“It was a very moving performance, “Sehun said as he took Jongdae’s hand in his and guided them out of the theater, weaving in and out of the slow people taking forever to climb past the velvety stairs, “It almost moved me to tears, I believe.”  
  
“More like moved you to sleep, Sehun,” Jongdae laughed, a sound to Sehun more beautiful and musical than any orchestra combined, “Next time we’ll do something you want to do, alright?”  
  
“I liked this, though,” Sehun sincerely said, the nostalgic sigh of the clarinet still lingering in his mind, “But alright.”  
  
But as it turned out, no matter what they did together outside of their lessons, music would always be involved. On one of their dates, Sehun had driven them up to a high mountaintop where they sat on the roof of his car huddling together to brave the cold wind in order to gaze at the city lights flickering below. But a few minutes in, they had discovered a concert playing in the distance somewhere, though it was not all that bad despite the rambunctious cheering, as Jongdae sang along to the music for Sehun as he rested his head on Sehun’s shoulder. On another, they had gone to the beach for some sun and sand, only to find a large festival occurring with a multitude of competitions such as surfing, sandcastle building, and singing. Naturally, Jongdae entered last minute and won of course, happily lifting the trophy for best and longest high notes before Sehun offered his congratulations by enthusiastically kissing Jongdae’s gently sunburnt cheeks.   
  
And on one very memorable date, the two of them had gone shopping in an outside mall, and the ambience was as chattering and busy as usual until the distant sound of singing and drums echoed from somewhere ahead.   
  
Jongdae perked up instantly as he heard the music, and dragged Sehun with him until they found the source. Street musicians were playing a lively song, a few singing rowdily as the others played their brass instruments or banged their drums and rhythmic instruments enthusiastically.   
  
“Oh, I love this song,” Jongdae said, letting go of Sehun’s hand to clap his own together in delight.   
  
The lead singer observed Jongdae’s interest and motioned for him to come join them, beckoning him forward. Jongdae happily consented and momentarily left Sehun’s side to stand with the musicians before he joined mid-verse, ecstatically singing along. Sehun simply watched with a fond smile on his face, pleased Jongdae seemed to have so much fun anywhere they went, and after the song finished, Sehun clapped wildly for them all.   
  
“Are you a musician too?” One of the musicians asked as she twirled a drumstick in her hand, looking at Sehun.  
  
“I teach him piano!” Jongdae proudly said, answering for Sehun. Sehun was grateful Jongdae often interjected, speaking when Sehun could not or would not. Speaking didn’t exactly come easy to him all the time, and besides…words often failed him anyways. But actions never did, so while Jongdae continued to talk about Sehun, he simply nodded.   
  
“Ah…We don’t have any of those here, but would you like to join in, too?” another one said, offering her drum to Sehun.   
  
“It’s…it’s okay. But thank you anyways,” Sehun politely refused, speaking at last.   
  
“He dances, though!” Jongdae said excitedly, “He loves to dance!”  
  
“Well, music always needs people to dance to, right? Come join us!” A musician said as she motioned Sehun to join. Sehun hesitated before Jongdae pulled him to them as the drummers struck up a lively beat.   
  
Oh.   
  
With a smile, Sehun began dancing to the beat before the other musicians and singers joined in. While he was shy whenever speaking was involved, he had no problems expressing himself with his body. This was just like those nights Sehun spent dancing all by himself in the middle of the club with no care for anyone or anything else except the booming bass and the static synthesizers. Of course, he’d stop occasionally to check on Jongin and make sure he didn’t have too much to drink. But he didn’t care that everyone saw him like this...so open and exposed as he danced.   
  
Now was no different, too, and with the melodies accompanying his steps and the singing raising his spirit and the beating of the drums lifting his arms, Sehun lost himself in the music, closing his eyes as he jumped and swayed and leapt in the air, giving his body up to the music that played.   
  
As soon as the song finished, he opened his eyes as applause snapped him out of his musical daze.   
  
“That was some amazing dancing,” a trumpeter said, clapping her hands as the others whistled in appreciation.   
  
“He’s amazing isn’t he?” Jongdae said as Sehun felt his face flush from all those kind compliments.   
  
“Okay, but wasn’t his singing amazing, too?” Sehun boldly interjected, lightly shoving Jongdae aside before this continued any longer.   
  
“You’re both very talented. The world is lucky to have musicians as passionate as you,” another musician commented, causing Sehun and Jongdae to look at each other with wild, twin grins.   
  
Maybe there could be no music without Jongdae or no Jongdae without music.   
  
But Sehun didn’t mind at all.   
  
Music was so beautiful.   
  
And Jongdae was the most beautiful melody that ever left Sehun’s singing lips and the most devastatingly ecstatic rhythm that sent his heart stuttering to life again and again and again.   
  


ϟ

  
In between their piano lessons and dates, Sehun and Jongdae sought comfort in each other and often hoped that time would slow down enough for them to spend eternities in moments and lifetimes in seconds with each other.  
  
Sehun enjoyed the nights he spent with Jongdae sleeping and falling asleep and lying in his bed with Jongdae by his side. Usually, Jongdae would crawl into Sehun’s embrace and rest his head on Sehun’s arms or chest, but not today. Not tonight.   
  
Tonight, Sehun was the one curled up, seeking comfort in Jongdae’s arms while Jongdae sang him a sweet melody to help him fall asleep as the rain poured outside, rhythmically accompanying Jongdae’s songs as they loudly fell and dropped onto the roof. Sometimes Jongdae sang Sehun songs that he didn’t know the words to or songs that had no words at all. But tonight, Jongdae sang Sehun a slower paced version of a song both of them had etched onto their hearts…Jongdae’s last performed rock song and Sehun’s first performance he ever saw of Jongdae singing from those days long gone. And while Sehun was lucky enough to have Jongdae lovingly sing him to sleep so often, tonight he wanted to try something brave.   
  
Waiting for Jongdae to sing a longer half note or a whole note, Sehun finally joined in, attempting to harmonize with Jongdae’s melody before he let out a little squeak as he realized it didn’t sound as nearly as good as he had hoped.   
  
“Why did you stop?” Jongdae asked, stroking Sehun’s back with his hand as he pulled him closer to his chest.   
  
“It sounded funny. I don’t think…I don’t think those notes fit together very well,” Sehun said, pressing his face into Jongdae’s chest in embarrassment.   
  
“Well, it was a dissonant interval,” Jongdae admitted as he encouraged Sehun to continue, “but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t beautiful or anything. I loved it.” Most of the time Sehun left many things he wanted to say unsaid. But tonight it was Jongdae’s turn to shyly keep things his heart knew unsaid.   
  
Dissonance could be so beautiful. There was a certain wonder in finding things that should not go together, but still did anyways.   
  
Sehun thought of his own life and tried to find the beauty in his own dissonant chaos, musing about things that should not go together for him. So maybe it was him and music, maybe it wasn’t. But Jongdae was music. Jongdae was music embodied, and Sehun liked to think that they got along together so well. Two people that should go together, and did.   
  
Jongdae had helped Sehun understand new things about everything like this…like how to wade through the dissonant disorder, embrace the chaos, and seize the future. And how to begin to discover what things he liked and to understand what he wanted for himself.   
  
But Sehun also quickly learned how much of a _tease_ Jongdae could be one evening when he was home alone again after his mother was out of town for a legal business trip. The doorbells chimed, signaling an unexpected visitor Sehun was not and would not be prepared for. Climbing out of bed where he’d been curled up in his blankets with some blank sheet music and his laptop beside him as he worked diligently on a secret music project for Jongdae, Sehun trudged towards the door, running a hand through his messy hair to make himself look somewhat decent for whoever was there.   
  
Stifling a yawn, Sehun opened the door disinterestedly before what he saw in front of him made his heart stop and his legs almost nearly give out from under him.   
  
Jongdae leaned against the wall looking as beautiful as ever, and things would have been normal and tolerable.   
  
Except.   
  
Except he was wearing what was most likely his old edgy clothes from his rocker days.   
  
And Sehun felt as if he needed to sit down and just reevaluate his whole life as he stared off into the distance because what the _fuck_ did Jongdae think he was doing? Who the _fuck_ did he think he was?  
  
There was Jongdae…dressed in the tightest, ripped black jeans Sehun had ever seen and the most scandalously cut tank top that showed off Jongdae’s exposed arms and the sides of his torso.   
  
“Hello, Sehun,” Jongdae greeted him as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.   
  
“H…Hello, Jongdae,” Sehun said, struggling to form words.   
  
“Is your mother home?” He asked, looking inside to find any sign of his mother, though Sehun just _knew_ Jongdae was aware she would not be there. Sehun shook his head slowly, trying not to make his staring obvious.   
  
“Good,” Jongdae said as he leaned forward, brushing something…probably nothing…off of Sehun’s shoulder.   
  
“What…are you doing here? We just had a lesson yesterday,” Sehun tried to calm himself down.   
  
“Won’t you play with me? Sorry…for me? Play some piano for me? We should have another lesson since the concert’s coming up, you know,” Jongdae said, stepping into Sehun’s house.   
  
“You want me to….to play you a song?” Sehun said weakly, not believing what was currently happening. Jongdae sweetly nodded and lead him to the grand piano, lifting up the fallboard and pushing Sehun onto the piano bench. Sehun raised shaky hands to the keys and began to play, though was stopped by Jongdae quickly.   
  
“More feeling,” Jongdae shook his head, “Start from the beginning.”  
  
Sehun frowned but obeyed, playing from the beginning and trying to convey more emotion this time until he was stopped shortly afterwards…again.   
  
“Try _again_ ,” Jongdae shook his head as he pressed a hand to Sehun’s lower back.   
  
Sehun tried again, attempting to do his best and meet Jongdae’s standards for…whatever reason he was making him do this.   
  
“Try…again,” Jongdae said, leaning in as he whispered the last word in Sehun’s ear as the hand on his back disappeared, replaced by a single finger that lightly slid down Sehun’s back.   
  
Again and again and again, Jongdae would force Sehun to stop and repeat and stop. And. Repeat. Sehun was growing increasingly frustrated, frowning every time Jongdae made him start again. And the next time Jongdae sweetly asked him to try again, Sehun just took his hands off the piano…hesitating for a split second before turning around and launching himself at Jongdae and pouring his frustrations and thunderous desires into Jongdae by kissing him fiercely.   
  
“ _Finally_ ,” Jongdae gasped between kisses as he eagerly responded to Sehun, “I wasn’t…sure…if you were –“  
  
Sehun silenced him with another bruising kiss, tugging Jongdae towards his room, and the way there seemed long. Too long. When they finally reached his bedroom, Sehun kicked the door shut before all but gently not so gently pushing Jongdae onto his bed before continuing his deluge of kisses. Jongdae gasped as Sehun slid wandering hands under his tank top and slowly stroked the sides of Jongdae’s torso eagerly.   
  
And after Jongdae let out his first moan…the first of many to come, Sehun all but tore off Jongdae’s tank top and pouted impatiently as he tried to slide off Jongdae’s pants, only to be impeded by their tightness.   
  
Jongdae quickly decided Sehun was having too much fun…too much fun, and so he pushed Sehun onto his back before straddling him as he grinded his hips onto Sehun’s, eliciting a harsh moan from Sehun. After teasing Sehun for long enough and noting with pleasure the impatient way Sehun’s hands gripped Jongdae’s hips urgently…needily…Jongdae attempted to retrieve something from his pocket.   
  
“What are you even trying to get?” Sehun asked curiously, rolling his hips upwards into Jongdae’s to stimulate a response and a reaction.  
  
“I am _trying_ to get the condom and lube I brought with me out of my pants, but they’re so tight. And you’re not helping either,” Jongdae said, gritting his teeth as he pressed a hand down on Sehun’s hips to stop him from making things harder than they already were.   
  
Oh.   
  
Jongdae knew what he wanted, and he was here to get it. He had come so prepared to take Sehun apart and strike his heart and body with desire, and when Jongdae finally managed to retrieve what he wanted from his pockets, Sehun mentally braced himself for the things that would come.   
  
Moments later, Sehun found himself on top of Jongdae once more, but was still completely overwhelmed by the man underneath him despite this new position, as Jongdae suddenly kissed Sehun so fiercely and so _well_ that Sehun had to break away to simply catch his breath, staring with complete awe and adoration at Jongdae who looked as equally disheveled as he did. Dropping his head into Jongdae’s neck, Sehun tried to hide just how much Jongdae affected him by focusing diligently on leaving a trail of electrifying kisses down Jongdae’s neck.   
  
Soon, the dark clouds that had been forming outside had manifested into a raging storm, so Sehun was truly confused when he saw the storm here in Jongdae’s eyes beneath him and the wild wind fall from Jongdae’s lips as they gasped between crackling kisses that continued to further spark even deeper sentiments and burning desires within them both. And when his hands traced Jongdae’s skin, he might as well have been running his hands through a hurricane for how much Jongdae trembled and twisted beneath him. When Jongdae let out a loud moan as Sehun continued to thrust deeper and faster and harder, Sehun felt as if a wild storm was continuing to bluster and whirl…This beautiful tempest beneath him was breathlessly gasping all because of _him_ , and Sehun felt so _powerful_ when he would kiss Jongdae to cease the deluge of moans that fell out of his soft lips.   
  
After they finally lost control of themselves and came, leaving a wild mess of heaving chests and a hurricane of emotions behind, Sehun and Jongdae lay together on Sehun’s bed tangled in bed sheets and each other’s legs.   
  
“How long…have you planned that,” Sehun asked Jongdae as he traced cosmic patterns onto Jongdae’s hip.   
  
“Long enough,” Jongdae replied, leaning into Sehun’s touch as he sighed blissfully.   
  
“I can’t believe…you seduced me with nothing but your old rock clothes,” Sehun growled as he pressed a kiss to Jongdae’s forehead, “If I knew you were out there some years ago looking like _that_ and singing your heart out on a stage, I would’ve –“  
  
“Would you have been an avid fan, attending every concert then?” Jongdae laughed, the vibrations reverberating into Sehun’s heart.   
  
“Absolutely,” Sehun said as Jongdae gazed so lovingly at him that he couldn’t help but smile again.   
  
“My rocker days are over, though. Now I’m just Jongdae the piano teacher,” Jongdae sighed.   
  
“Do you…ever miss them?” Sehun asked carefully, not quite knowing what Jongdae’s days in his rock band were like.   
  
“Sometimes,” Jongdae carefully said after a while, “But they were too wild…and I was too young for such a fast life. Maybe I just wanted to slow life down a little and enjoy every moment slowly…carefully. And the life I lived while in that band couldn’t offer that.”  
  
“So you wanted a more…balanced life?” Sehun said, “A more…wonderfully dissonant life?”   
  
“Yeah. That’s what I wanted…to enjoy the little scales and chords before the final cadence came too soon… But what do you want, Sehun?” Jongdae asked.   
  
“I…don’t know,” Sehun reflexively said. It was not the first time he’d heard that question, he was sure it wouldn’t be the last, and no matter how many times he was asked such a question, he was still unable to answer, to know, or to understand.   
  
“Surely you must know something you want?” Jongdae laughed.   
  
“I don’t know?” Sehun repeated, though knew that his true answer lay right beside him.   
  
“Alright…What do you like then?” Jongdae tried again.   
  
“I’ve never had the chance of knowing,” Sehun said, “My mom always pulled me out of all the activities I’ve done before I could explore and figure out if I liked anything truly.”  
  
“Oh. Hopefully she doesn’t make you leave my lessons then,” Jongdae said quietly, tightening his grip on Sehun’s arm, “But I’d come steal you away so often you wouldn’t even have a chance to miss me if she takes you away.”  
  
“I wouldn’t let her,” Sehun promised before thoughtfully changing his mind to Jongdae’s question, “But I know I do like piano when you teach me. And I like dancing. And I like you a lot, too,” Sehun said, listening to the way the rain slowly ceased outside.   
  
“Dance with me sometime then,” Jongdae said as he pressed a final kiss to Sehun’s cheek before he lay back between Sehun’s arms and dozed off. Sehun was silent, but he gently stroked Jongdae’s shoulder with his answer. Yes. Of _course_.   
  


ϟ

  
Sehun had been searching for a chance to dance with Jongdae, but he had either been too shy to take Jongdae’s hand and put on some music for them, or Jongdeok or his mother had consistently interrupted them whenever he tried.   
  
And now, he would’ve been more than happy to dance around in the rain with Jongdae until it was too cold or until it rained too hard for them to bear.   
  
But, _no_. Here he was inside Jongdae’s piano room where they had sought refuge from the storm outside, wearing one of Jongdae’s t-shirts since his was too wet for him to comfortably wear. And of course, Jongdae insisted Sehun should play his song for him again since the concert was rapidly approaching.   
  
That wasn’t the problem, though.   
  
The problem was that it was so _hard_ to play stably because Jongdae was currently kneeling under the piano and currently sucking Sehun off as he sat on the piano bench and played with shaky hands. He had no idea why Jongdae was _torturing_ him like this…and every time he messed up a passage or stopped playing to let out a moan, Jongdae stopped what he was doing and patiently waited for Sehun to start over before taking the tip of Sehun’s cock between his lips and taking more of it into his mouth.   
  
Chopin would have been scandalized that his music was being abused and played in such a setting, but Sehun couldn’t really care about or especially even _think_ of that right now. He had no idea how he managed to make it this far without coming…across major mistakes, and if he could play through something like _this_ …someone like _Jongdae_...then Sehun was so fucking sure he’d be able to play perfectly well at the concert even if a hurricane were to tear the roof off of the building.   
  
He wanted nothing more than to bury his fingers into Jongdae’s hair and gently not so gently fuck his mouth, but all he could do and all Jongdae would _let_ him do was bury his fingers deeper and deeper into the keys, doing his best to race forwards, race to the end of the piece. Jongdae was much too overwhelming for him, and as Sehun slammed the last chord, he came with a loud, crescendoeing moan into Jongdae’s warm mouth.   
  
“What…the _fuck_ , Jongdae,” Sehun growled, fighting to catch his breath as his fingers tightly gripped the fallboard of the piano.   
  
“I thought you enjoyed that though,” Jongdae teased, licking his lips after he swallowed.   
  
“When do I get to do that to you? I’d love to see you just _try_ and play calmly or sing stably without your voice cracking if I’m down there sucking you off” Sehun quickly said before leaning forward to slip his fingers up Jongdae’s shirt as he kissed Jongdae so fiercely until it was Jongdae’s turn to moan.   
  
“Whenever you want,” Jongdae breathlessly answered as he shuddered into Sehun’s wandering hands. Sehun smiled teasingly before he dropped to his knees to try that now, unzipping Jongdae’s pants while he innocently asked Jongdae to sing something for him while he’d suck his cock.   
  


ϟ

  
Sehun wished he could say he could be this content with life always, but as he thought of how few months were left until he’d play at Jongdae’s and Jongdeok’s studio concert, he was filled with dread that dragged his spirit down more times than he would like to admit. Jongdae noticed Sehun’s downcast face and would often try to cheer him up with more encouraging, little blue notes he’d sneak into Sehun’s bag and with little melodies he’d sing for Sehun as he comforted him in his arms and with little stories here and there of anything and everything to bring smiles to Sehun’s face.   
  
His mother really didn’t help the situation, though.   
  
She urged him to practice more and more and more day after night after day, and sometimes Sehun didn’t know if he should keep practicing if his heart wasn’t into it, if everything sounded the same and monotonous to him after a while, if he really just didn’t want to do this.   
  
One day she even asked Sehun to play for both her and Jongdae, stepping inside Jongdae’s piano room as she surveyed the orderly clutter with something not quite far from judgment. Sehun had complied after Jongdae encouraged him, and had begun to play. He really did try his best…almost at least…the notes were there, but his emotions were not, save for a few dynamics here and there.   
  
After he lifted his fingers from the keys, Jongdae clapped wildly, yelling Sehun’s name while his mother kept her arms folded. As a force of polite habit Jongdae enforced, Sehun took a bow, seeing Jongdae’s enthusiasm and pride and his mother’s stony expression before bending his waist. When Sehun stood upright once more, nothing changed, observing Jongdae’s smile right next to his mother’s frown.   
  
Ah. Of course.   
  
His mother demanded perfection, always perfection.   
  
And when he didn’t deliver, she’d pull him out without asking for his opinion.   
  
“Not good enough. You played much better last night,” his mother shook her head exasperatedly.   
  
Jongdae frowned, wondering if he heard her correctly and turned to look at her.   
  
“What?” He slowly asked.   
  
“I said, he’s lacking. I know what he’s capable of, and honestly it’s not this. This was awful. Absolutely awful,” His mother repeated as she checked the time of her phone, impatient to get to her next destination.   
  
Thunder was always visibly apparent and struck before anyone could hear its crackling bolts and electrifying terror. So when Jongdae turned and his gave his mother the most furious glare Sehun had ever seen, Sehun braced himself for what was to come.   
  
But it was his own mother after all, a tough woman in her own respect, and so she simply looked back at him with steely eyes, daring him to say something.   
  
“You should be nothing but proud of Sehun. He’s still so new to this, and he’s trying so hard. And he’s doing so _well_ ,” Jongdae all but yelled, “And if you can’t see that, then I don’t know what else to tell you except you’re an aw—“  
  
Sehun pulled Jongdae away quickly before he could say some things that would make his mother displeased, and her displeasure would mean pulling Sehun out of piano, and therefore he would not be able to see Jongdae as often as he liked. But instead of looking offended, his mother looked almost…amused, and stared at Jongdae with a perfectly plucked eyebrow raised before standing up and striding out the door, telling Sehun to pack up his books quickly as she’d be waiting in the car.  
  
After she closed the door behind her leaving a waft of flowery perfume behind, Sehun sighed, moving to quickly pack up his books before leaving with hunched shoulders and his bag slung crookedly over his back, though Jongdae’s gentle farewell touch to his shoulder kept his heart lighter despite everything.   
  
So his mother thought he was awful.   
  
So what?  
  
So he’d try again.   
  
Try harder.   
  
Try again.   
  
Jongdae at least taught him that much, and after moping around, Sehun promised he’d try to practice harder…practice _again_ …right after he finished dancing away his frustrations.   
  
So now here Sehun was, locked in his room with the music thundering through his speakers and moving him to dance up a wild storm, feeling so free even if the impeding concert called to him like a tolling bell. Here was the music he missed and the joy for music the stress of everything had slowly drained from him. And here was the reignited spark inside himself as he rediscovered how much he could love music, giggling as he danced by himself.   
  
In the midst of his wild jumping and enthusiastic fist pumping and sleek body rolling accompanied by the boom of the loud music, Sehun almost missed Jongdae’s call. Turning off the music, Sehun glanced at Jongdae’s smiling profile picture on his phone before picking it up.   
  
“Hello?” Sehun said, panting heavily, a bit winded from his dancing.   
  
“Hello? Sehun? Oh…why do you sound so tired?” Jongdae asked before teasing him further, “Were you having fun…without me?”  
  
“What? No! No…” Sehun managed to laugh, “I was dancing.”  
  
“Ah…Hey you still need to dance with me sometime,” Jongdae said before a tone of concern crept into his voice, “How are you?”  
  
“Alright. Alight. Alive,” Sehun shortly said, still glad…so glad to hear Jongdae’s voice, “I’ll just try again…it’s no problem. Why?”  
  
“I just…I just wanted to make sure you’re okay and that you know I’m proud of you. And that I love you,” Jongdae said, causing Sehun’s heart to flutter with such overwhelming affection, “I wanted to tell you this all in person, you know, but this’ll have to do for now.”  
  
“It’s more than enough. Thank you,” Sehun said before shyly telling Jongdae he loved him so much. He loved him too. Words often failed him, and while they still failed to describe the amount of sheer affection and love Sehun had for Jongdae, these words would be enough.   
  
So Sehun found himself spending the rest of his night sitting near his window tracing the raindrops that dotted the glass talking and laughing with Jongdae until it became too late for either of them to speak without a yawn every now and then. Noticing Sehun’s exhaustion, Jongdae offered to sing him a song again, and so Sehun, now moved to his own bed and curled up in his blankets wishing Jongdae could be beside him, eagerly listened. That night he fell asleep with a smile on his face and his phone tumbling out of his grasp to Jongdae’s beautiful voices and the rhythm of the rain outside.   
  
But as the days, weeks, time flew by, no matter how much Sehun reassured Jongdae he was alright and he would be more than alright, Jongdae was still upset at Sehun’s mother for showing such unbelievable disappointment in Sehun despite all that Sehun had accomplished. Every lesson she showed up for, Jongdae would be there waiting at the door, eyes already stormy with barely contained displeasure as he silently dared her to just _say_ or even _think_ anything discouraging about Sehun. Of course, she responded with her own cool gaze and marched off with a click of her heels to the waiting room where she sat to review her work, her posture as fine as any good pianist.   
  
“So…” Jongdae said as he whisked Sehun off into the piano room one lesson, “What do you say we do something wild today? Something like…a big fuck you to your mom?”  
  
“You want…me to do something rebellious? Now?” Sehun blinked at Jongdae’s request. He had been prepared for another hour or two hours or whoever long of just piano instruction, time with Jongdae, and music.   
  
“Yeah. Do me,” Jongdae nonchalantly said, shutting the door behind them and inserting a baroque themed CD in the stereo before turning up the volume loudly.   
  
_What_.   
  
“Do. Me,” Jongdae repeated, advancing to Sehun as the opening chords of Bach’s Italian Concerto blasted through the speakers, the shrill sound of a harpsichord covering the future noises they’d make no doubt.   
  
So here they were wasting Sehun’s piano lesson, but neither could entirely say it was all for nothing because Jongdae was currently riding Sehun on top of the piano, the music continuing to hide their moans and gasping breaths. And as Sehun lay on the padded surface gazing upwards at Jongdae, he was thankful Jongdae kept a large quilted cover on his grand piano as he was so sure that this would have been so much more painful without it…But such thought were immediately and easily chased away from Sehun’s mind as he focused on gripping Jongdae’s hips to push him down harder. With another moan, Jongdae pressed his hands deeper onto Sehun’s chest as he fucked himself on Sehun’s cock harder, the snapping of his hips providing a steady rhythm that the music of their moans followed.   
  
“So…the concert is soon. Are you going to be okay?” Jongdae said after they hopped off the piano and just lay on the floor together, tired from what they had just done.   
  
“Yeah I am. I have you, right?” Sehun said, grabbing Jongdae’s hand to use it as a keyboard as he tapped out arpeggios onto Jongdae’s fingers.   
  
“I’m not the one who’s going to be playing that night for you, Sehun. In the end, it’s going to be all you. I can only teach you so much,” Jongdae said as he played back onto Sehun’s hand, their fingers bouncing together.   
  
Sehun lay next to Jongdae as the remaining time left in their lesson passed by, thinking of just how soon the concert was and how much was expected of him then as the ending passage of Vivaldi’s E Flat Major Concerto concluded spectacularly. Jongdae was right. In the end, it would just be him alone on the piano playing for everyone. All he’d physically have would be himself whether he wanted or liked it or not. He’d just have to have faith that he’d be enough. More than enough.   
  
When they finally walked out of Jongdae’s piano room with nothing but giggles and secret smiles, Sehun’s mother looked at them curiously, eyeing their hair that definitely did not look as wind-swept and messily tangled as it did hours ago.   
  
“The fan was on high…It got stuffy in there,” Jongdae lied as Sehun’s mother handed him the check.   
  
“I’m sure it was,” his mother said.   
  
“You got paid to do nothing,” Sehun whispered as his mother left first like always, unaware that no piano had been played and no music learned.   
  
“I got paid to do you,” Jongdae smirked, waving the check in front of Sehun’s face cheerfully.   
  
Sehun scowled a bit before kissing Jongdae’s cheek and saying good-bye, leaving good-naturedly.   
  
What Sehun did miss, however, was Jongdeok emerging out of the shadows after he left, laughing wickedly at the exchange he had just witnessed.   
  
“Banging him a few meters away from his mom? You’ve gotten braver, Jongdae,” Jongdeok said, an obnoxiously amused glint present in his eyes as he curled his lips into a sneer.   
  
“Save it,” Jongdae groaned.   
  
“Do you think he’ll pull it off at the concert? It’s coming so soon…and his mom complained for hours that he messed up. I took one of her calls by accident one time, and man…She went _off_ ,” Jongdeok said.   
  
“Yeah. Now stop _doubting_ him because he has enough of that from his mom…and himself, too,” Jongdae fiercely said.   
  
“Okay, okay then,” Jongdeok surrendered, “If you believe so, then let’s put him last in the concert then. Last, after all the beginners and especially after our best, most experienced students.”  
  
“Good. He’ll blow you away,” Jongdae crossed his arms, unfazed by Jongdeok’s proposal.   
  
“I’m sure he’s already done that to you,” Jongdeok said, eyeing Jongdae’s ruffled hair and messy clothes knowingly.   
  
“Whatever,” Jongdae huffed as he tried not to act flustered in front of his own brother, “the point is…is that I believe he’ll do well.”  
  
What Sehun did not miss but perhaps wanted to miss, however, was the ride home with his mother as she opened her mouth to speak after a bit of blissful silence Sehun already missed.   
  
“You better do well,” Sehun’s mother announced, “You’re perfectly capable of doing it yourself, so do it.”  
  
Sehun sighed before turning to face the window on his right. He didn’t need this….again…but what his mother said next surprised him.   
  
“Sehun,” his mother called to grab his attention once more, “I know you can do it.”  
  
“What changed?” Sehun found himself asking, wondering why his mother was suddenly so…different, “Not so long ago, you’ve never stopped telling me how you wanted me to do better and how I haven’t done my best.”  
  
“Jongdae was wrong,” his mother simply said as she braked for the coming red light.   
  
“What?” Sehun said, perking up at the mention of Jongdae’s name.   
  
“I’ve always tried my best to let you pursue so many activities…given you all the opportunities I could,” his mother said, staring ahead at the light as she waited for it to turn green, “I just want the best for you and from you. Always.”  
  
“What?” Sehun repeated, daring to hope to hear something that had been left unsaid for a long time.  
  
“Jongdae said I wasn’t proud of you. And he was wrong,” she said.   
  
“Oh,” was all Sehun managed to say as the light turned green and his mother drove them forwards and left the conversation behind. That was that. He knew his mother hated dwelling on past things, so that would perhaps be all she’d ever speak of the subject.   
  
A small smile lingered on his face all the way until he reached his home, but it would never quite stop appearing for quite some time.   
  
But his smile was the brightest it had been recently one particular night he spent with Jongdae…exactly a week and a half before the concert.   
  
He was with Jongdae again, this time in his own room, and finally… _finally_ he got to dance with Jongdae.   
  
Jongdae had stolen Sehun’s iPod while Sehun was scrambling to hide some secret music manuscripts he was working on for Jongdae, and had scrolled through Sehun’s playlists before picking one that seemed appropriate and blasting the music from Sehun’s speakers. As soon as the music began playing, Jongdae eagerly grabbed Sehun’s hand, tugging him away from his desk and silently asking him to dance. Sehun complied and let his body feel the rhythm of the music and the joy of the melody and the ecstatic bliss being in Jongdae’s company brought.   
  
Everything was in a state of orderly, contained chaos in the best way possible, the laxer tempo of the song clashing wonderfully with how hard and how excitedly the two of them were dancing, creating something similar to that balanced dissonance Jongdae wanted and loved so much.   
  
Jongdae’s hair bounced up and down as he jumped and danced with Sehun, and Sehun couldn’t stop his face from splitting into the most brilliant smile, so happy that he was able to do what he loved so much with the person he loved so much. Sehun didn’t know the answer to many things like what he wanted to do with his life or what he liked doing, but he at least knew this. This was familiar. This was dancing. This was Jongdae. This was enough.   
  
“You really like dancing…why didn’t you pursue it?” Jongdae mused after the playlist ran out and they lay collapsed, tired from all the physical exertion.   
  
“I…never thought of it like that. It was always my mom signing me up for things to do…I’ve never signed up for anything myself,” Sehun thoughtfully said as he lay comfortably in Jongdae’s lap staring up at him.   
  
“You seem really good at it,” Jongdae said as he ran his fingers through Sehun’s hair, “And you love it, which is important! So maybe you should take it up formally and take some lessons or join a dancing group at your college.”  
  
“Yeah, okay. Maybe I will,” Sehun yawned before resting his sore limbs and falling asleep to curved smiles and twinkling eyes.   
  
Sehun enjoyed these moments with Jongdae alone and together, especially with the impending concert nearing sooner and sooner. There was less time for Sehun to dance since he had to spend more time sitting at the piano bench making sure his memory didn’t fail him this time and making sure he remembered to play all those dynamics and making sure he was prepared to play as best as he could.   
  
And he was so focused on improving his piece and his performance that he didn’t realize the concert was here until it was.   
  


ϟ

  
On the day of Jongdae’s and Jongdeok’s end-of-year studio concert, Sehun found himself yet again putting on a dark suit and fixing his tie again and again and again to make sure it was perfect…all perfect.   
  
The concert was housed in a nearby church with high walls and a vast amount of space Sehun had to fill with his music…Jongdae’s piano studio was much too small to house all of his and Jongdeok’s students, so here Sehun and his mother were striding into a church with the piano placed ominously at the very front.   
  
Apparently Jongdae and Jongdeok had invited the students of their friend…some Yifan or something who taught group children lessons across the street, so the concert would be a bit bigger this year. Great. Scanning the concert pamphlet his mother brought for him, Sehun frowned when he saw his name at the bottom. _Great_. There was such an enormous pressure assigned to performing last…Usually the best of the best of the best went last, and Sehun was sure there were other students more qualified to play last than him.   
  
But his mother was pleased with his position as expected, and with a nod, she patted his back before finding a seat in the audience while he left to find Jongdae. The audience and students craned their necks to look at Sehun curiously, though he wasn’t sure they were staring because he was taller than all of them or because he was the new student that was performing… _last_.   
  
Once Jongdae caught sight of him, he beamed and ran over to him, greeting him with a hug.   
  
“How are you feeling?” Jongdae asked, looking Sehun over for any sign of anxiety or nervousness.   
  
“Your bowtie’s crooked,” Sehun simply said, reaching over to adjust it.   
  
“Thank you…But seriously, how are you?” Jongdae placed a hand on Sehun’s arm.   
  
“I’ll be okay,” Sehun shrugged. He hoped he would be right.   
  
“Good,” Jongdae nodded, leading him to upper left area where all the students were seated in their performance order. Little children sat in the front, swinging their short legs over the pews as they chattered among themselves while the older students sat stoically in the back, no doubt mentally replaying and rehearsing their pieces. And then here was Sehun who now sat at the very end of the last row trying to focus on simply not repeating his past mistakes.   
  
The one good thing about going last, perhaps, was that Sehun got to sit next to Jongdae at least. And between making opening remarks at the beginning of the concert and alternating between announcing the songs with Jongdeok, Jongdae sat close to Sehun and whispered little comments about the performances. It was an astounding concert, and even the young children were already so adept at music. And everyone clearly loved and celebrated the amount of dedication and hard work all the students put into their pieces, clapping wildly and smiling as soon as they finished playing and bounced off the piano stool or stood up from their seats, bow and cello in hand.   
  
Everyone was proud. That was it.   
  
Even Jongdeok, for all his brashness and obnoxiousness, nodded proudly, arms tightly crossed against his chest as he watched his students perform, their technically flawless fingers flying up and down the fingerboard of their cello as they simultaneously bowed rapidly.   
  
And especially Jongdae was proud of his students, always cheering loudly before and after they played, Sehun noted while he currently gazed at Jongdae’s fond smile for one of his students, a little girl cutely playing Schumann’s “Papillons” suite.   
  
“His technique isn’t the greatest since he doesn’t practice that much, but just…look at him feeling the music. I love it,” Jongdae said as he gestured for Sehun to pay attention to a boy in a blue suit who pounded away at some Beethoven piece next.   
  
And as the people in front of him finished playing, soon Sehun’s heart began racing faster and faster as the people in his row began to finish playing. Soon it would be his turn. Last. All him.   
  
“Wow…You should’ve seen her in the beginning…She’s improved so much my god. In the beginning her arms would get so tired doing that, but now…look at her go,” Jongdae whispered excitedly as he watched the next-to-last girl in a sleek black dress looking impressively calm as she played a whole passage full of rapid left hand octave patterns from Chopin’s “Polonaise in A Flat Major.”  
  
Wait.   
  
Next-to-last performer?  
  
Fuck.  
  
Sehun was _next_.   
  
As the crowd burst into applause as the girl finished the last chords of the piece, lifting her hands delicately as the final harmonies finished lingering in the room, she stood up to bow and smiled, Sehun was sure, her first smile of the night.   
  
Wait.   
  
He was too focused on everyone’s performances that he forgot that he was next…last…until people were staring at him to go and Jongdae was patting Sehun’s shoulder and leaning in for one final sentiment.   
  
“Good luck,” he smiled one last time before Sehun found himself shakily getting up and walking to the piano.   
  
The walk to the piano felt much longer than necessary, and Sehun could feel himself choking on the way his heart seemed to leap up into his throat and the way his fingers already trembled slightly. Alone, he stood in front of the piano as the audience clapped politely for him. As he finished bowing, he found his mother in the crowd videotaping him already. Catching his gaze, she nodded once before returning her gaze to the camera.   
  
Oh god.   
  
He hoped that at least he wouldn’t disappoint her or Jongdae.   
  
Or himself.   
  
Himself.   
  
As he sat down before standing back up again to adjust the piano bench, he felt everyone’s eyes all on him as he twisted the knobs to lower the bench, realizing all he had was himself and his mind and his heart right now. His mother wasn’t here to urge him to practice or try harder or better. Jongdae wasn’t here beside him to encourage him and to sing with him as Sehun played.   
  
This was just him now.   
  
Now everything was just him.   
  
So here Sehun was, prepared to bare his heart to the audience as he got ready to play his soul out. He took a deep breath before lifting his fingers to the keys just like Jongdae taught him and let his fingers lightly dance upon the keys to play the opening melody of the piece.   
  
Yes, yes, _yes_.   
  
Sehun lost himself to the music, closing his eyes every now and then as he felt the beautiful tension the song provided. The b flat minor transition to the D flat Major section was absolutely stunning, and Sehun hoped the audience could hear even a bit of the beauty Sehun found in the piece.   
  
He loved this.   
  
He loved the song, the music, the performance.   
  
It was quite an experience to share music with other people, to bravely play in front of them, exposing hearts for all to see, to move and sway others with such alluring music.   
  
And this particular song, this music…was heartbreakingly beautiful. Sehun noted the transitions from minor to major, slower tempos to slightly faster ones, the forte to piano that Jongdae taught him… and danced to the music, his heart leaping up and down as his arms rolled and his torso swayed to the beautiful, beautiful, beautiful music.   
  
And then it was all over.   
  
And then Sehun found himself at the end of the piece, his fingers lifting upwards as he released the final notes with the release of his foot from the pedal.   
  
He did it.   
  
The crowd burst into thunderous applause, their clapping bringing Sehun out of the music at last as he took a bow. He saw his mother lowering her video camera finally and clapping with something like a ghost of a smile on her lips. Jongdeok was in a corner pressing his lips together tightly as he clapped, trying not to actually cry for real before one of his youngest students toddled over and cutely handed him a tissue Jongdeok politely accepted to spare his student’s feelings, and Sehun knew if he brought it up later, Jongdeok would simply ruffle Sehun’s head and deny everything as long as he lived. And there was Jongdae, clapping so proudly and smiling so brilliantly as he gave him a cheering, standing ovation.   
  
He _did_ it.   
  
And there Sehun was smiling to and at himself ecstatically, suddenly weak from all the adrenaline he’d used and all the physical and emotional exertion the performance demanded. But the walk back was not as lonely as before, as people were still clapping and he was still smiling until he reached his seat. Jongdae patted his thigh whispering how _proud_ he was of Sehun’s stunning performance before getting up to deliver the ending statements with Jongdeok.   
  
After they released the audience onto the refreshments outside, Sehun lingered behind, his fingers and arms and heart still buzzing from the thrill of the performance.   
  
His mother found him first, reaching upwards to place both hands on Sehun’s shoulder, nodding so many times as she searched Sehun’s gaze for something. Releasing Sehun from her grasp as she found whatever she was looking for, she smiled before patting his shoulder, excusing herself to the refreshments table since she was placed in charge of it after all.   
  
She didn’t say anything else, but it was okay. Sehun knew.   
  
Jongdae, however, said many things after he found Sehun sitting in the third pew staring at the piano all by himself. Holding a plate of fruit in one hand and a bitten strawberry in the other, Jongdae slid into the pew, bumping shoulders slightly with Sehun.   
  
“No champagne this time?” Sehun joked as Jongdae offered him some fruit.   
  
“No…I don’t think the parents and my students should ever see me after I’ve had some alcohol,” Jongdae amusingly shook his head.   
  
“I’m your student, and I saw you practically drunk,” Sehun reminded Jongdae as he took a bite of some fruit he plucked from the plate.   
  
“You’re _different_ ,” Jongdae shook his head.   
  
The two of them ate in silence before Jongdae placed the empty plate on the space next to him. They continued to comfortably sit without saying any words and simply enjoyed each other’s presences as they stared at the magnificent piano illuminated by the lights above.   
  
“All your students are so good…and I was so impressed with all of them,” Sehun said after a while, “You’re a really good teacher, Jongdae.”  
  
“Thank you! I know, right? They’ve worked so hard!” Jongdae said delightfully, “But don’t discredit yourself either! I can’t believe how far you’ve come, and I’m so proud of you, Sehun.”  
  
“Me, too.” Sehun smiled at himself. And he meant it.   
  
He was proud of what he did, what he had done, what he would do. It was such a powerful feeling…to love and be proud of everything done. It made Sehun’s smile a bit extra bright, his head raised just a bit higher, and his heart beat with more vivacity.   
  
“Good,” Jongdae said as he pressed a quick, quiet kiss to the corner of Sehun’s mouth.   
  
“I have something to show you, though,” Sehun said, standing up as he offered a hand to Jongdae, ready to present him what he had been working on in secret.   
  
“Oh?” Jongdae said, raising his eyebrows as he accepted Sehun’s hand and clasped onto it as Sehun lead him back to the piano.   
  
Sehun sat on the piano bench once again, fingers poised to play before he paused to tell Jongdae he could sing anytime he wanted. And as Sehun played the beginning rift of the song, Jongdae gasped, clapping his hands to his mouth immediately.   
  
“How… _how_?” Jongdae asked, feeling a rush of tears coming.   
  
“Well…when I first met you, you said that musicians with perfect pitch have it the easiest since they can play whatever they want without sheet music or anything at all,” Sehun began to say, ceasing his playing to explain, “But I don’t have perfect pitch or any sheet music. So, I just learned it by ear as best as I could and matched the notes to the song. Your song.”  
  
With that, Sehun turned back to play a piano version of the song Jongdae showed him all that time ago from his rocker days. Slowed down on the piano with added harmonies, Sehun’s cover was the perfect balance of wildness and order that Jongdae missed and did not miss from his rock days.   
  
And when the first verse came, Jongdae joined in to sing, his voice sounding a bit shaky for the first time in years. The room was so vast and expansive, but it quickly echoed with Sehun’s piano entwined with Jongdae’s voice. By the time it was time for Jongdae to hit those high notes and for Sehun to hit those magnificent chords to compliment Jongdae’s voice, it had started to rain outside heavily again.   
  
It was raining outside, but it might as well have been raining inside as well for all the tears that escaped and slid down Jongdae’s face as he sang his heart out, singing a song from his past with a person he hoped would be a part of his future forever.   
  
After the song finished and Jongdae’s last note and Sehun’s last chord faded into silence, Jongdae took Sehun’s hand in his and thanked him again and again and again, truly touched that Sehun spent all that time learning his song just for him.   
  
“It’s the least I could do for you,” Sehun sincerely said, standing as he brushed a stray tear from Jongdae’s face.   
  
Jongdae simply responded by throwing his arms around Sehun and hugging him tightly, unwilling to let him go now or ever.   
  
“I can’t believe you walked into my life by mistake…What if your mom had sent you a different piano teacher? What then? If anyone, we should thank your mom for dragging you into my studio for lessons that you didn’t even want,”  
  
“Shh…I love your lessons. And I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t know what I wanted, right?” Sehun said, placing his arms around Jongdae’s waist.   
  
“You…finally know what you want?” Jongdae asked hopefully before he pressed a kiss to Sehun’s lips.   
  
Sehun thought of all his gone, past pursuits…those muddy football days and those paint-splattered nights seemed so long ago. He still didn’t know if he wanted them before, but he didn’t want them back now. What he found himself yearning for, though, was more music and more dance and more love. He didn’t think he’d want those music lessons in the beginning, but now things were different. He didn’t think he’d ever go seek out his college dance group in the beginning, but now things were different. And he didn’t think he’d see himself wanting to let Jongdae into his heart, but now things were different. And good. And beautiful.   
  
There was a storm singing in Sehun’s heart, a wild tempest that struck him with thunderously wild emotions said and unsaid, known and unknown this night, and as Jongdae pulled back to let Sehun answer, this much was at least apparent.   
  
“Yeah. I know,” Sehun smiled, and even though the piano beside them was silent and no song fell from Jongdae’s lips, they began to sway and slowly dance to the audibly silent music in their minds accompanied by the rhythm of their heartbeats.


End file.
